Catch her in the right mood and you might get a response too. Here's what we've gleaned from a deep-dive into Schapelle Corby's first week on Instagram:
She really wants you to read her book
Schapelle's latest post shows the cover of her 2006 memoir, My Story. She wrote it "with my heart and soul," and she wants you to grab a physical copy.
"It is on kindle yes. Book has a lot of good pictures inside 30+. kindle doesn't show pictures so kinda miss a lot," she told one follower.
The book is "usually stocked in Big W and all major book stores ... but I haven't been there in a while, you'll have to check."
You heard it here first: Schapelle Corby, imprisoned in Bali for most of the past 13 years, has not been to Big W in a while.
She's not sick of Indonesian food
She gave Lalah Bali, an Indonesian food market on the Gold Coast, a plug in one comment - "Best Indonesian food on GC!!!" she wrote. After 13 years in Bali, we'd have to assume she's an expert in the national cuisine. Is she testing the waters for future #sponsored posts with this business recommendation? Can we expect to see her to extolling the benefits of detox teas and smart water in the near future? #fitspo
She's got a self-deprecating sense of humour
Newscorp cartoonist Warren Brown's illustration above doesn't exactly cast Schapelle in the most flattering light - yet she posted it on her account with the hashtags #Hilarious and #LMFAOlovethis. "Oh well, at least you've got big boobs," one follower told her. "And lashes," she responded.
Captioning her book cover - a striking photo of Schapelle, face mournful behind bars - she employed the hashtag '#thinnest90seyebrowsever'.
She wants to use her attention for good
Twice now she's posted about missing children, asking her followers for help in finding them and issuing a simple instruction: "Don't be distracted by trivia."
She's getting used to life - and technology - outside jail
Queensland in winter is a shock to the system compared to Bali's steamy heat.
She's not on Facebook, so please stop asking her, everybody.
Her first attempt at an Instagram hashtag saw her literally write out the word 'hashtag.'
Yes, she read blogger Constance Hall's 'Dear Schapelle' open letter, and her response is a 'face with mouth open' emoji.
In fact, she's very fond of emojis, utilising them for most of her responses to her followers. Her favourites: Smiley face, A-OK hand symbol, raised hand. Now THAT'S investigative journalism.
She enjoys making the media look like fools
... Although she hasn't had to work too hard to achieve that goal, given the absolute circus that's surrounded her this week.
The footage of a smirking Schapelle watching what Channel 7 thought was live footage of her car from the comfort of her hotel room is an iconic bit of subterfuge worthy of Joanne the Scammer.
And if you're a clumsy paparazzo taking a tumble in your attempts to get the perfect Schapelle shot, best believe she got you on camera, she got you on candid camera now.
She may be quite the artist
The question on everyone's lips when she posted this psychedelic portrait, titled Freedom: Did Schapelle herself paint this? She was evasive when responding to one follower asking exactly that question: "I will tell you soon."
In summary: Schapelle Corby is the best thing to hit Instagram since the Valencia filter. Deal with it.
