The grieving parents showed courage and resilience after suffering the unimaginable tragedy of losing two sons. Picture / Channel 7 Source / News Corp Australia
The grieving parents showed courage and resilience after suffering the unimaginable tragedy of losing two sons. Picture / Channel 7 Source / News Corp Australia
Kathy Kelly has opened up about her deepest regret after suffering the worst pain imaginable for a parent twice over, with her son Thomas fatally punched on a night out before his brother Stuart killed himself four years later.
Kelly and husband Ralph have shared the heartbreaking story of what happened after their younger son called them in distress within hours of starting university in Sydney.
"We drove in, he was sitting in the gutter with his head in his hands," Ralph Kelly told Andrew Denton's Interview on Australian television.
"When he got into the back seat of the car, he started to sob uncontrollably, which was completely out of character for him.
"That was really alarming because he was this young boy, starting the next stage of his life after school, and suddenly it had just all completely disappeared."
Stuart was 14 when his 18-year-old brother and "best friend" Thomas was killed in an unprovoked one-punch attack by Kieran Loveridge in Sydney's Kings Cross in 2012.
The family formed a foundation and advocated for tightened lockout laws in New South Wales and the introduction of mandatory sentencing for violent alcohol-induced offenders.
Thomas Kelly died at 18 after a drunken, unprovoked one-punch attack in Sydney's Kings Cross in 2012. Photo / news.com.au
But they began receiving hate mail, and Stuart was targeted by online trolls and bullies over the campaign.
After spending just one night at St Paul's College at Sydney University, he called his parents in distress, asking them to pick him up from outside a nearby hospital.
Stuart spent the next two months sitting in his room at the family's northern beaches home, refusing to return to university or talk about what had gone so wrong.
He took his own life in July 2016, also aged 18.
His younger brother Stuart killed himself four years later, also aged 18. Photo / News Corp Australia
"I would go in and try and talk to him about things and he was very clear ... you are not going to know, leave me alone, we're not discussing it," his mother told Denton in a devastating appearance.
"He also did a complete turnabout about what he wanted to do with his life. He had made a beautiful rocking chair for the HSC and he said, 'oh, maybe I'll just go do some woodwork'.
"I said all the wrong things like, 'oh, we didn't struggle to send you through this school to have you turning timber.' And I could kick myself now, because I would — I wouldn't care what state he was in, if he was in that bedroom I'd be happier than anything, I wouldn't care what he wanted to do with his life ... I just wanted him to be here.
"I just feel that I said all the wrong things, and we weren't really listening to him.
"There was never a moment in our — at any point in time, before he left the house and took his life that we ever thought that could happen."
The grieving mum added: "As a parent, that's devastating. You think, 'what could I have done?'"
The Kellys' heartbreaking interview saw viewers fill social media with tributes to the brave couple, who have just published a book, Too Soon, Too Late.
"Ralph and Kathy, I'm so emotional but equally inspired and respectful of you two incredible, resilient human beings — turning inconceivable grief into positive change," wrote Mel Madigan on Twitter.
Blown away by the incredible candour of Ralph and Kathy Kelly. Their broken hearts, split open, so we might learn something, do better, be better, come together in kindness and grief. Indebted to them for their courage #denton
— Verushka, an editor (@SydneyEditor1) May 21, 2019
Grief. It's such a heinous complex beast. Thank you for your courage Ralph and Kathy Kelly - doesn't seem to cut it. #InterviewAUhttps://t.co/QdtjnQuf3r
Jeanette Findlay called the interview "horrible, sad and emotional", adding: "I wish I could just give them all a big hug which will not bring their sons back, but let them know there are people who care."
Ian Luke said the couple were "showing pain, anguish, love, devastation and resilience in the face of humanity's scumbaggery ... if you've ever 'indulged' in internet trolling, watch this, and lift yourself."
Kathy Kelly has previously spoken of Stuart's death.
"He was one of the really popular kids, and he went off to university at Sydney, for one night at a college, and he came home a different person the following day," she told 60 Minutes in 2017.
"We hadn't seen him cry since Thomas died ... so you can only assume that something catastrophic happened to him that made him feel the way he did."
The family said the prestigious college failed to tell them anything about what had happened to Stuart, but they believed he was targeted by hazers, and possibly even a victim of sexual assault.
"Parents don't know these things," Ralph Kelly told news.com.au last year. "If I had known some of the history [of alleged hazing at Sydney University] I would not have wanted Stuart going there."
Viewers were deeply touched by Ralph and Kathy Kelly's raw interview with Andrew Denton. Picture: Channel 7 Source / News Corp
In 2015, Stuart became the subject of attacks after he gave a moving speech at a Thomas Kelly Foundation gala dinner about how alcohol-fuelled violence had torn apart his family.
"Thomas never deserved to die that night, it was not meant to be his time," he told the crowd, which included then Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and former NSW Premier Mike Baird.
"In fact, I believe now that it could and should have been avoided. Our family lost a son and a brother.
"I ask all of you to look at me, I am but one person who has been affected by violence. It is a sentence that I have to carry for the rest of my life. My mother, father and sister now carry this sentence. Our relatives and friends, Tom's friends, carry this sentence."
After Stuart's death, Ralph Kelly posted online of the heartbreak he and his wife were experiencing.
"The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained," he wrote in the Facebook post.
A funeral notice placed by Ralph and Kathy Kelly and the boys' sister Madeleine said Stuart lived "a very special life and brought us all so much joy and happiness".
They wrote: "You showed extraordinary strength, courage and hope. We will miss you forever our darling Stuart, together in peace with your beautiful brother Thomas."
Their sister, then 21, said at Stuart's funeral: "You brought a nation to its knees with your words, you made a positive change to a damaged culture that had been embedded in Australian society for so long, but more importantly, you brought so much light to all our lives.
"To both of my brothers, my best friends, Thomas and Stuart: I will always love you and always remember the beautiful souls this world has lost. I refuse to believe that this is goodbye for us, but rather a, 'see you later'; so please wait for me and take care of each other."
Where to get help:
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7) • Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7) • Youth services: (06) 3555 906 • Youthline: 0800 376 633 • Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7) • Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm) • The Word • Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7) • Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155 • CASPER Suicide Prevention If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
