KEY POINTS:
It hit me in the face by day two. A month away in the States made me realise I'm way behind - in everything. Maybe it was seeing not just tourists, but also parking attendants and cops on Segways tootling around Washington and New York like leg-less robotrons.
Or maybe it was the Senate building's poster-sized touch screens outside every elevator that gave you the office, room number, directions on how to get there, then the day's scheduled meetings.
It's not that we don't have some of this in New Zealand; it's just that we have it 296 million people less. It isn't just executives whose eyes are burnished by handheld computers as they walk down the street; it's now shop assistants and construction workers too.
Airports have charging/plug-ins stations in boarding areas for one's fruit of choice - Apples or Blackberries. People waiting were either talking into the air [headsets] or transfixed by some glowing little screen, transported into the ether of More Important Things.
The toilets even seemed to have moved past me. Every time I reached for a tap or handle, a tiny red infrared sensor would beat me to it with a little modulated voice that blurted "Sucker!" like HAL from 2001. Obviously, there is some deep psychological transference going on between the war on terror and the right to a hands-off germ-free toilet experience. Seymour Hersh is probably already writing a book on it, with Noam Chomsky doing a book on his book.
I stopped into my former home town, Portland, Oregon, land of the 75,000 Obamaheads who turned up for just one measly rally to declare him captain of the Messiah of the Month club. But the truth is they've been dating the guy for a while now. A fine jump shot and adorable ears don't cut it anymore in a presidential candidate, though I've argued otherwise.
Sure, his primary sweet talk was damned sexy, but these days even Obamaniacs are demanding deeper conversation. Berliners may have been throwing their undies at the stage when Obama mouthed Ich bin ein pretend European but even fervent Democratic friends aren't ready to go commando quite yet. They see what's ahead.
Close polling numbers aren't making the same assumptions that Iraqi presidents already are. Sadly, my fears that McCain will adopt the same dirty crew that Karl Rove suckled have already come to pass. Hold tight, Karl's boys are just getting started. Even McCain's gorgeous 96-year-old mother declared her son's ads comparing Obama with Paris and Britney "stupid". The man who has based his career on being clean and fair is turning against type in a bid for some much needed attention.
Studies do show that Obama has received almost twice as much media coverage as McCain since the end of the primaries, but surprisingly, research also reveals that McCain's coverage has been overwhelmingly more positive.
If Obama sniffs, the media run for a tissue, doing their damnedest to pretend not to love him as much as they do, over-correcting with criticism.
A late-night comedy show got it right with a sketch that had smitten reporters ditching a press conference with "cranky" McCain only to pop up singing a fully choreographed Obama Mia!
On the flipside, in an entire month, not once did a conversation with friends use the word Iraq. I considered buying new friends. Until I realised their silence was more loudly telling me what they already see as passed.
Today, for Americans, this war is already history - without the final chapter written in. How inconvenient. You might get a headshake in disgust, but the menu du jour is draw down dates, not casualty rates. There is more comfort in seeing the future as inevitably redemptive. America will put this Administration out like yesterday's rubbish, oblivious to the pile up of stinking mess in Afghanistan that also awaits the next Commander-in-Chief.
Meanwhile, the cowboy left sitting in the White House is nearly invisible, his political capital long since spent on chasing bad boys with war toys.
These United States have finally pushed past their disastrous 43rd President with a self-protective vengeance - and for once, I'm finally up to speed with that.
* www.traceybarnett.co.nz
