KEY POINTS:
The American and New Zealand elections will be held three days apart next month.
While it is true that both countries have a red, white and blue flag and both probably eat an inappropriate amount of mayonnaise, the similarity ends there.
The following statistical comparisons are subject to dispute.
Total spent in last NZ general election by the two major parties: $8.4 million; total spent in last US presidential election by two major parties: $1.09 billion.
Percentage of NZ voters that voted in the last general election: 81 per cent; percentage of US voters that voted in the last presidential election: 64 per cent.
Spike in new voter registrations for the 2008 US election thus far: 9 million.
Unofficial number of months candidates campaign in NZ: 2; unofficial number of months candidates campaign in US: 21; unofficial number of months US voters would rather see politicians go home, read a good book and floss instead of campaigning: 19.
Current ranking of the "funniest Palin" according to John Cleese: Michael Palin No 2, Sarah Palin No 1.
Ranking of Sarah Palin in Halloween costume popularity in the US this year: 1; number of Bill English and Michael Cullen outfits for sale at Farmers this year: 0.
Number of times Sarah Palin winked directly to camera in her televised vice-presidential debate: 6. Number of times Helen Clark winked in the first leader's debate: 0.
Number of NZ voters who said they would be frightened if they saw their Prime Minister wink at them on television: 4.2 million.
Number of US voters who wished it had been Tinky Winky debating Joe Biden instead of Sarah Palin: 472,000.
Approximate number of times canary yellow outerwear has been used as a political statement by third parties in the NZ Parliament: 12; approximate number of times that canary yellow outerwear has been worn outside Parliament by anyone, except blondes with gorgeous complexions, Rodney Hide, or real canaries, worldwide in 2008: 4.
Number of minutes allotted to rinse conditioner out of one's hair for a politically correct shower in New Zealand: 5; estimated number of NZ voters who won't vote if showering is an issue: 4.2 million; estimated number of NZ voters who will confuse this issue and vote for an actual shower: 34,000.
Estimated number of times John Key will mention he was raised in a state house before election day: 17; approximate number of state houses that would fit in his current home: 7.
The top two NZ candidates most voters would rather have administer first aid to them: John Key, 42 per cent; Jeanette Fitzsimmons, 20 per cent.
Number of US newspapers that have endorsed Barack Obama versus John McCain: 112 [Obama], 39 [McCain].
Estimated number of times Helen Clark will use the words "due process" and "Winston Peters" in the same sentence before election day: 19; estimated number of times Rodney Hide will use the words "Winston Peters" and "my little love bunny" in the same sentence before election day: 0.
Number of after-work beers imbibed by "brainless meerkats" after Winston Peters deemed the NZ press corps a small, hairy mammal: 4612; number of journalists who cried themselves to sleep that night: 34.
The dog pedigree that US and NZ candidates refer to themselves most: pit bull [Sarah Palin]
1, Alsatian [John Key],
2. The most popular movie in the US right now: Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
Percentage drop in the US and NZ dollar from one month prior to the candidates referring to themselves as canines to today: -16 per cent USD, -7 per cent NZD.
Number of times John Key yells at his wife and kids at home: [statistic unavailable]; Number of times Helen Clark yells at John Key for yelling at home, while yelling at each other during a leader's debate: 1.
Number of Helen Clark and John Key dog toys this columnist would be willing to buy for one's pit bull, Alsatian and Chihuahua to have both candidates not yell over each other during leader's debates: 2.
And finally, the best quote from either the 2008 US and NZ campaigns, said at the close of the last US debate by moderator Bob Schieffer: "I will leave you tonight with what my mother always used to say, 'Go vote now, it will make you feel big and strong'."
* www.traceybarnett.co.nz
