Te Radar: We've got the Bomb, now where's the truck?

The thought that no doubt plagued countless folk this week was whether the nuclear Armageddon that many fear is nigh would be instigated by the Koran or the Koreans.

Some seemed to think that although North Korea may have The Bomb, it was a relatively irrelevant matter as the regime of North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-il, had no way of delivering it.

It was said that The Bomb, assumed to be large and cumbersome, would be so bulky that the North Koreans would need a ship, a truck, or a cargo plane to deliver it.

I would have thought that once a country had mastered the intricacies of building The Bomb, acquiring a ship, plane, or truck, wouldn't have been too much of a logistical stretch.

If anything, it has once again propelled one of the worlds quirkier leaders into the media spotlight.

Kim Jong-il rarely appears in public, although there were widespread rumours of his presence in New Zealand some years ago, until it was realised that it was Donna Awatere Huata before her stomach stapling and blond-haired phase. The resemblance was uncanny.

Kim stands about 155cm in his platform shoes, and it is said that North Korean State TV is banned from filming its "Dear Leader" from the waist down.

He is also reportedly afraid of flying, and so he travels to China and Russia by armoured train, and is reputed to have had live lobsters airlifted to the train.

One has to wonder whether a country that cannot install a lobster tank on a train has the capability to build a missile.

In 1978, he had a South Korean film director and his actress girlfriend kidnapped and held them for eight years to help him produce films.

Perhaps we should offer him Peter Jackson's services in return for ceasing his nuclear ambition?

He is also reputed to live on the finest of delicacies, while millions in his nation starve. Surely this is a clear indication that he is trying to maintain his strength so he can figure out how to alleviate his beloved citizens' woes.

Perhaps if he stopped building weapons and used the money to feed people, he might be on the right track.

The residents of his mournful land have no knowledge of the outside world, so I suggest creating unrest by airdropping miniature TVs to them.

There has been a call for sanctions to punish the man and his regime. These would include a halt to his imports of the expensive booze for which he has a fondness. But I suspect that with a cellar reputed to hold more than 10,000 bottles of wine he may be able to hold out for a while.

No doubt though his loyal and grateful citizens will have been toasting him with a celebratory bowl of gruel, made as usual from the nutritious soil of their barren fields, to celebrate their enormous pride in their beneficent regime's glorious efforts.