'I'm not your 'love': 20 niggles of modern society

Get outta my face! Photo / AP file

Rejoice, fellow haters of over-familiar greetings.

Staff at Gatwick Airport have been banned from calling passengers "love" or "darling".

In an all too rare outbreak of common sense, a memo to employees says travellers should be referred to either by their name, "Sir" or "Madam".

If we can stamp out non-friends calling us "mate", the world would be a happier place.

Yes, ever since cavemen chipped their teeth while gnawing on woolly mammoth bones, human existence has been beset by such minor niggles and petty grievances.

Only this week, the the Daily Telegraph received a letter from reader Brian Clivaz asking: "Why can't cash machines dispense notes all facing the same way? It's so irritating to have to rearrange them every time."

We were flooded with similar ATM-related complaints and the office was abuzz with personal bugbears.

So here's a selection of 20 more tiny yet teeth-gnashing annoyances...

1) Kisses from people you've never met

Would you pucker up in person? Then don't do it on emails and texts.

2) People who board trains without letting people off first

Wait your turn, pushy commuters.

3) Out-of-control children in restaurants

"I don't care if your meal has been ruined. My feral little darlings must be allowed to express their creativity."

4) Disappointing fruit

A flavourless clementine, a mushy banana, a woody pear. Your attempt to be healthy has backfired. Biscuit?

5) Loud phone talkers on public transport

Sometimes they even have the temerity to do it in the "quiet zone".

6) Food served on wooden boards

Or hunks of slate. There's a reason plates were invented.

7) Automated checkouts

So quick! So convenient! Except they never work smoothly. Stick your unexpected item up your bagging area, supermarkets.

8) Cyclists

They barrel down pavements, jump traffic lights and seem to think the Highway Code doesn't apply to them. All while wearing headphones.

9) Not remembering passwords

Have a different one for each website, they say. It's more secure, they say. Not if you can't log in, it's not.

10) "Can I get...?

"Please may I have a sentence construction that isn't from a Noo Yoik coffee shop?

11) PPI and accident claim calls

Make. Them. Stop. Or. We. Will. Kill. Again.

Wait your turn!. Photo / AP file

12) Other people's personal noises

Random tapping or drumming on tables. Slurping drinks. Chewing, breathing, sniffling or snoring too loudly. Just existing too loudly.

13) People who suddenly stop dead in the middle of pavements

We suspect the same monsters are door-blockers and stair-loiterers.

14) Socks slipping into your shoes

And for women, itchy bras. It's like our own clothes are conspiring against us.

15) People who put bags on seats when others are standing

Have you bought a ticket for it? Then move it. See also people keeping their backpacks on, turning themselves into a sort of obstructive tortoise.

16) Losing the end of the cling film

Cue fingernails scrabbling around the roll and exasperated tutting. Sort it out, science.

17) Packets that are slightly too big for the contents to fit in your storage jar

Hence that cupboard crammed with near-empty packs of tea bags/pasta/sugar.

18) Store loyalty cards

Your wallet's full of the pesky things.

19) Drivers who take up two parking spaces

That's right, Mr Selfish, the white lines are only there for us mere mortals. You're magically exempt.

20) Other people in general

Intolerant? Us?