Jim Hopkins: Lucky we can blame our woes on weather

Cranes remove debris of a collapsed bridge at the Jawaharlal Nehru stadium in New Delhi, India. Photo / Getty Images.

Thank heavens for the weather. Which we must do, literally, of course, but there should be metaphorical thanks as well.

Seriously. We should thank heavens for the weather. It may be appalling; no, it is appalling. Vile, grotty, freezing, wet, windy and unwelcome, the wretchedness of recent days is enough to make Paul Henry swear. (Mind you, what doesn't?)

A more primitive society, steeped in superstition, would have long since concluded it had caused the gods some grave offence and already be hosing down the altars in preparation for a few human sacrifices. (What are you doing tonight, potty-mouthed Paul?)

But, generally speaking, we're not cut from such pantheistic cloth. A few of us, yes, but putting aside the last remaining doom-addicted "end is nigh" repentacostals clinging to the myth of man-made global warming, most of us don't regard natural calamities as evidence of divine intervention.

That said, there'd be no objections if someone put a stop to all this weather. The classic New Zealand solution would be for the gummint to pass a law against it, or make it sit a strict new language test before it reaches land.

"Ahhh, we note, Mr Blast, that you only speak Polar. Unfortunately, this isn't one of our official languages. Consequently, under Section 4.2a of The Alien Weathers Act, 2010, I require you to remain in the southern oceans until further notice. Should you fail to comply with this instruction from an authorised Ministry of Climate officer, you will be confined in a secure facility and required to watch Mr Paul Henry swearing all day."

If the gummint could manage the weather, we'd say, "Give it a taste of Keywi, John!" But the gummint can't control the weather, not even with silly things like the ETS. So we must find our solace elsewhere. And that's where thanking heaven comes in.

Because, appalling as it is, this wretched weather does contain more than snow and rain and wind and woe - it also brings us at least one cloud with a very silver lining.

You can't get blamed for nature. Nature happens. It's not our fault. We can't be blamed when this quixotic beast throws a tanty. There's no global opprobrium, no tutting of media tongues, when one of our sports facilities collapses. It's all down to the snow. And that's a calamity, not a cock-up.

So no one's bagging us because we're a hopeless, useless, bumbling bunch of Bollywood bunglers. No one's pointing the chakra of scorn because we're a caste-ridden cast of Commonwealth clowns. No one's sniggering because we're inept, incompetent, idle ... Indians.

We may be copping it from the weather, but we're not copping it from the world.

India is. And what India's copping is arguably worse. We've got a disaster, they've got "a disgrace" that's "shaming the entire country", according to the Times of India.

If the Times is right, it can't be easy for India. Sorrow, such as that caused by a disaster, is hard to bear but shame is harder still. Shame is a stigma, visceral and disabling. Most of us wouldn't wish shame on anyone, though it's being laid on India at the moment with a trowel.

The reports of calamities, real or potential, are almost gleeful. There's a "told ya so" air of implicit arrogance that suggests everyone knew this was always going to happen.

The subtext is clear; "They can't cope in the hot countries. They can't make the trains on time or organise a decent international event. Greece couldn't. We all said so before the Olympics. China couldn't. We all said before the Olympics. Now we're saying it again about India. And, to prove the point, let's smuggle a bomb into a stadium. Let's make them look really gormless. Whoopee, isn't chaos fun!"

Well, yes, perhaps it is. Unless you're in the middle of it. And, yes, India's potential Commonwealth Games debacle may confirm our prejudices.

But, lest we forget, 80 per cent of the software in our iPhones and iPads was developed in Bangalore, now a global "IT super-hub". India builds rockets, supersonic aircraft and the world's cheapest motor car.

India's Tata Motor Company owns Jaguar and Land Rover. The Indian middle class is 400,000,000 strong and there would be millions of people there more wealthy than any of us.

No matter what the Times of India may say, a few boofheads do not "drive home India's colossal incompetence and shame". Nor should we revel in their misfortune.

For everyone's sake - for the athletes, the audiences, the innocents at risk from terrorists, for the Commonwealth and the "shamed" and for their country - we should wish India well and want them to succeed. Here's hoping their woes fade as fast as our weather.