Duncan Gillies: The key to surviving brother of all battles

Opinion

When I was 6, my mother gave me and my older brother a pocket knife each. I mostly used my knife to dig holes under our house. My brother mainly used his knife on me.

One day after school I was sitting down eating raw oats, milk and sugar when he came up behind me, held the blade to my throat, and told me to hand over the plate.

I can't really remember what happened next but I'm pretty sure it involved my father showing my brother just how much he loved him in one of those displays of affection Sue Bradford tried to outlaw. Didn't stop my brother from finding some other way to make my life hell. But I still love him.

Political commentators are wondering whether Ed and David Miliband will be able to say the same thing once Britain's Labour Party has chosen its new leader on September 25. After Labour's defeat in May, Gordon Brown stepped down as leader, realising his comments on the campaign trail may have cost his party the crucial bigoted old lady vote. David Miliband was seen by many as his natural successor. Just 45 but an MP since 2001 and Foreign Secretary for three years, he has that magical mix that has become the mark of a modern politician: youthfulness and maturity, charisma and a common touch, and a really nice haircut.

It should have been so simple but then his brother - younger, almost as mature and with an equally stylish head of hair - decided he'd also run.

It has been reported that David Miliband discussed his intentions with Ed, hoping he'd gain his support. I don't know if any knives were involved but David obviously didn't put forward a strong enough argument. I imagine it didn't help that Ed is now 40, making it much harder for David, 45, to get him in a headlock.

It could be said both are born leaders. The sons of Jewish immigrants who fled Belgium during World War II, they studied at Oxford and in 2005 became the first siblings since 1938 to sit in Cabinet simultaneously.

It is perhaps also no surprise both ended up left-leaning politicians. Their father, Ralph, was a well known Marxist intellectual. You can imagine the fun games and fights of their childhood: "But daddy, he always says I have to be Margaret Thatcher. Why can't he sometimes be the capitalist?"

When you've got a big brother, stuff like that can play a big part in shaping your life. Today, David aligns himself with the New Labour philosophy and believes the party must reach out to the mainstream majority. Ed, though, paints himself as old-school Labour and argues that the party should focus on Britain's poorest. They have each tried to tear down the other's platform while proclaiming themselves to be the party saviour.

It must be said, however, this is still a very British battle. The gloves may be off but there have been no blows landed beneath the belt.

Still, you can't help but feel like you are watching two teenagers squabbling behind their bedroom door. That one of them is going to reveal that the other never did his share of the dishes. Or will question how his brother could run the country when he couldn't even keep his side of the bedroom clean. Or ask if you would want your country to be run by the kind of person who holds down his brother's hand on a stinking hot day just to see how long it takes to burn his skin using a magnifying glass.

Wait, that was my brother who did that. And I still love him. Lucky he isn't a politician. I could never let a guy like that get into power.