'Dead' songwriter very much alive

LOS ANGELES - Paul Vance was just an itsy bitsy teenie weenie touch surprised to learn from the television news this week that he had died. As anyone might be.

The cable channels, newspapers and wire services all announced that Mr Vance, the writer of a certain one-hit wonder about a yellow polka-dot bikini back in 1960, had died last month at his home in Florida.

Now, it was true that he lived in Florida. And it was true that he co-wrote the song Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini. But nothing else added up. His house was in Coral Springs, near Fort Lauderdale, not Ormond Beach, as the reports claimed. He was 76, not 68. He had never had lung cancer, cited as the cause of death. And, most important, he was very much alive.

The story, obviously, was a hoax - but an unwitting one.

A housepainter called Paul Van Valkenburgh had told his family and friends for decades that he had written the song under a pseudonym. He claimed he gave away the rights when he was young and stupid, and so never made a penny off it. (Mr Vance, meanwhile, has received millions in royalties and describes it as a "money machine".)

When Mr Van Valkenburgh died, his widow, Rose Leroux, unwittingly spread the hoax when she contacted the Associated Press a few days ago and told the news agency about her late husband's claim to fame. AP saw no reason to doubt her, and neither did the rest of the United States media.

The life of the real Mr Vance, meanwhile, was turned upside down. So many people started calling him that his mobile phone ran out of juice.

"Everyone is crying. My kids are crying. My grandkids keep calling me, crying," he told the Orlando Sentinel. "This is horrible."

On Thursday, AP put out a bulletin to retract its story. The real Mr Vance produced royalty cheques to prove he was the songwriter and his publisher at the Music Sales Corporation also confirmed his identity.

As the shock has worn off, Mr Vance has tried to recover his sense of humour. The volume of calls has not let up, but he has become less indignant.

"I'll pick up and I'll say, 'This is heaven. Who do you wish to speak to? Paul Vance? Oh, yeah, he just got up here'."

- INDEPENDENT