Indonesian police escort Tan Duc Thanh Nguyen from Denpasar District Courtroom after his sentencing trial on February 15, 2006 in Denpasar. Photo / AFP
Indonesian police escort Tan Duc Thanh Nguyen from Denpasar District Courtroom after his sentencing trial on February 15, 2006 in Denpasar. Photo / AFP
He's one of the forgotten members of the Bali Nine drug smuggling gang but now Tan Duc Thanh Nguyen has spoken for the first time about his life in prison, his torment at facing the prospect of dying behind bars and his terror over the impending executions of fellow traffickers Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran.
The 31-year-old was convicted in 2005 for his involvement in a plot to smuggle 8kg of heroin out of Bali and into Australia.
He was jailed for life - later upgraded to a death sentence before being reduced back to life, meaning he will spend the rest of his days as an inmate.
And he has of course been watching the fate of the condemned Bali Nine ringleaders very closely as he prepares to launch another appeal, knowing full well he risks having the death sentence reimposed by a panel of judges.
"Sitting in my jail cell and watching the way the Indonesian government's handling their execution, I'm terrified," Nguyen told The Saturday Telegraph, referring to Chan and Sukumaran.
"I'm terrified for their situation, distraught for their loved ones and agonisingly certain I will be next."
He also has to deal with the guilt of putting his family through such an emotional ordeal - and the fact they have spent all their savings paying his legal costs.
From second left: Australians Matthew Norman, Si Yi Chen and Tan Duc Thanh Nguyenstand next to their lawyers Erwin Siregar and Farhad Abas. Photo / AFP
The 31-year-old has been through a legal rollercoaster since being sentenced in 2005, as the Indonesian Supreme Court increased his sentence to the death penalty in 2006 and then reduced it back to life in prison in 2008.
The hardline stance of Indonesian President Joko Widodo has frightened Nguyen to the point where he believes he would not receive a fair trial should he appeal, but is still determined to not give up hope.
Despite international pressure and official protests from the governments of Brazil, Holland, France, the Philippines and Nigeria, Mr Joko has remained unwavering on the executions.
"No one prefers death. Death is an easy way out. I deserve the suffering I'm going through. But an appeal means hope. Without that hope there isn't any future," Nguyen said.
His sentiment has been echoed by supporters of Chan and Sukumaran as they wait for the outcome of their last-ditch appeal.
Australian Matthew Norman (2R), Si Yi Chen (L) and Tan Duc Thanh Nguyen (2L), who were sentenced to death for attempting to smuggle heroin out of Indonesia, listen to their lawyer. Photo / AFP
The appeals were adjourned until next week, and Australian authorities have continued to negotiate with the Indonesian government for clemency and life imprisonment for the pair.
High profile Indonesian authorities have reportedly urged President Joko to reconsider the executions, amid concerns that if the executions go ahead the nation's reputation will be tarnished.
"Cracks are showing. They know that after these executions, there are many more to come," one source, who asked to remain anonymous, told Fairfax.
Nguyen said that the hope of future appeals is what pushes him through each day, though he understands the gravity of his actions.
He said one of his biggest regrets is the shame he has brought to his family and the heartbreak his situation has put them through.
Nguyen has been trying to repair his relationship with them since being convicted almost 10 years ago, and said he is haunted by the memory of his mother coming to visit him for the first time in prison.
His parents were given asylum in Australia after fleeing Vietnam and taking refuge in the Philippines, where Nguyen was born.
Describing his parents as hardworking and courageous, Nguyen said that he threw away what they fought so hard for and that he will never be able to make it up to them.
His parents, who now run a bakery in Brisbane, have also used their life savings to fund his appeals, going into debt in a desperate bid to reduce his sentence.
He has launched a fundraising page to ease the financial stress from his parents' shoulders, which he is hoping to put towards his next appeal.
Nguyen is currently being held in a jail in Malang, where he shares a cell with fellow Bali Nine drug mule Martin Stephens, and has been in close contact with his friend Scott Rush, whom he enlisted as part of the smuggling plot.
Rush was found with 1.3 kilograms of heroin strapped to his body when he was just 19, and has struggled with drugs since his conviction.
Nguyen said that it has been terrible to see his friend "destroy himself".
The 31-year-old is preparing to launch his fifth appeal as Chan and Sukumaran wait for the outcome of their latest appeal, and said that he hopes desperately their lives don't end by execution.
