And now for the real, key issues of the UK election...

Four years ago, Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott enlivened the British election campaign by punching a protester who threw an egg at him.

This time round, Prescott has kept his fists down. So Tony's tan, Sandra's battle of the hairdos and baby Donald's ability to reduce Dad to a bumbling wreck have kept voters entertained instead.

With little political excitement generated by carefully crafted soundbites and stage-managed photo opportunities, the campaign's few quirky gems are to be treasured.

Prime Minister Tony Blair, battling to win the trust of voters in his bid for a third straight victory on Thursday, even had to defend a speedily acquired tan.

Beauty experts were convinced he had resorted to a fake tan to boost his appeal. But Blair insisted he had gone brown naturally "in my back garden at the weekend. The weather was glorious".

The burly Prescott, once a steward on cruise liners, was on his best behaviour until letting rip at a persistent provincial reporter, telling him: "Bugger off and get on your bus, you amateur."

For the First Ladies of British politics, it has been hairdos at dawn. Former model Sandra Howard, wife of Conservative leader Michael Howard, took a subtle dig at Blair's wife Cherie in her internet campaign diary. "I have heard it on the grapevine that a certain other leader's wife has booked arguably the best and certainly the priciest hairdresser in town for the entire campaigning month ahead," she wrote after a particularly bad hair day when aides told her she looked tousled.

Her windblown disarray was nothing to the look of total exhaustion on the face of Charles Kennedy, leader of the centrist Liberal Democrats as he battled to explain party tax policy after the birth of his son. Tabloids had a field day and TV channels kept running clips of his befuddled reply. But forgiving voters deluged Donald with teddy bears and cuddly dolphins.

The British revel in eccentrics and none come bigger than the flamboyant father and son team of Boris and Stanley Johnson. Stanley is attempting to become the first father to follow his son into Parliament.

The striking pair, both boasting white-blonde hair, launched their campaigns by playing a sprightly game of squash against each other. Boris said: "Vote Johnson, vote often - there is a ready supply of Johnsons waiting to step into whatever breaches are left in whatever constituencies."

But excess zeal proved disastrous for Labour, which had to apologise after over-zealous canvassers even tried to secure the votes of a family sitting in the back of a black limousine on their way to a funeral.

Whatever happens to Blair, he can look forward to 100,000 kisses on the big day.

Performance artist Mark McGowan, famed for sitting in a bath of baked beans for two weeks with sausages strapped to his head, is launching an election day kissathon with a Blair photograph. "He has been really feeling the heat from the Opposition recently and I wanted to show him some affection."

- REUTERS