Lucy Letby was described as a 'constant malevolent presence' at the hospital. Photo / Supplied, File
Lucy Letby was described as a 'constant malevolent presence' at the hospital. Photo / Supplied, File
A UK neonatal nurse accused of murdering seven babies wept in court and said she had been diagnosed with PTSD following her “traumatising” arrest, as the court heard details of the grim admissions she made in private notes recovered by police.
Giving evidence for the first time in her eight-month trial, Lucy Letby claimed she “only ever wanted to care and help” her patients and tearfully denied killing any children she looked after.
Letby has been described by prosecutors as a “malevolent presence” at the neonatal unit of the Countess of Chester Hospital.
The 33-year-old is accused of the murder of five boys and two girls, and the attempted murder of another five boys and five girls, between June 2015 and June 2016.
It is alleged she used various means to murder the children, including injections of air into their system and insulin poisoning.
Lucy Letby claimed her arrest gave her PTSD. Photo / Supplied
Giving evidence, Letby, who was wearing black trousers and a black fitted blazer, became emotional a number of times and said she had considered killing herself since being accused of the murders.
She told the court that she had “always wanted to work with children” and first decided to take up nursing in secondary school.
When asked by her barrister, Ben Myers KC, whether she had ever intentionally harmed any babies, she said: “No, that is completely against everything that being a nurse is. I only wanted to help and to care, not to harm.”
Letby, who grew up in Herefordshire before moving to Chester to study nursing, said that she felt “sick” when she first learnt of the accusations against her and that her “world stopped”.
She added: “It was devastating. I don’t think you can be accused of anything worse than that. I was just devastated.”
Letby said she is still unable to sleep without medication and has been diagnosed with PTSD relating to her arrest.
Sitting in the court flanked by two female prison officers, Letby said she was now sensitive to loud noises and was “easily startled”.
Several rows behind, her parents, John Letby, 76, and Susan Letby, 62, listened intently – as did family members of the alleged victims sitting on the other side of the public gallery.
Letby described her arrests as “traumatising”, saying she was led to a police station in her pyjamas after her first arrest at her home in Chester in July 2018.
She added: “It was just the most scariest thing I’ve ever been through.
“It not only happened once, it happened twice and then a third time. It’s just traumatising.”
Lucy Letby. Photo / Facebook
Handwritten notes
Myers then took Letby through a series of jumbled incoherent handwritten notes found at her home after her arrest.
Letby said writing her thoughts down was something she had done all her life and they were private notes “she never thought anyone would read”. She said she had “difficulty” throwing them away.
Asked to explain why she had written “not good enough” at the top of one note, Letby said: “That’s the overwhelming feeling I had about myself at that point, because of the way people had made me feel. I thought I had been incompetent or done something wrong.
“It’s just me processing thoughts.”
On another note, Letby wrote “I AM EVIL I DID THIS”.
When asked why she had written those specific words, she replied: “I felt an immense responsibility. I thought I had been incompetent or done something wrong that had harmed children.”
Myers referred her to a note in which Letby wrote: “I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough to care for them and I’m a horrible evil person”.
She insisted she was not referring to murdering the children, but that she had “somehow failed in my duties, in my competencies”.
She added: “I had been taken away from the job I loved and accused of things I just hadn’t done.”
Letby explained that after gaining a qualification that enabled her to work with babies in intensive care that was “predominantly what I did”.
“I was very flexible to changing shifts and doing overtime, I didn’t have a family,” she said.
“I did enjoy intensive care work. I think all nurses on the unit had an area they preferred. No aspect of my work was ever boring.”
A court order prohibits reporting of the identities of surviving and deceased children allegedly attacked by Letby, and prohibits identifying parents or witnesses connected with the children.
Letby denies all the allegations. The trial continues.
