The first season of The White Lotus was a wonderfully comedic fictional drama about the demands, inequity and inequalities of life in a luxury Hawaii hotel (set in the thinly disguised Four Seasons in Maui, where it was filmed). The most spectacular tantrums and shock moments will be familiar to
What The White Lotus can teach us about how to behave in luxury hotels
By Mark C. O'Flaherty
NZ Herald·
5 mins to read
AdvertisementAdvertise with NZME.
In the first season of The White Lotus, the main narrative arc featured a honeymoon couple who didn’t get the suite they had booked. It ends with murder. Unlikely to happen in real life, but the point is – if you don’t like the room you’ve been given, explain your disappointment. Always specify what you expect from your room when you book. For years, every view I had from hotels in New York was of a brick wall a few feet away, before I realised that I had to say in advance what I wanted to see when I looked out the window. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
If there is a Pineapple Suite incident, because of a double booking, or if there’s a strange odour or noise in your room, ask politely to be relocated, and if that’s impossible, then ask for a substantial discount on the rate. If it’s really bad, then leave. It’s your holiday. Take your business elsewhere. And if they won’t refund you the cost of the booking, make sure all communication about the issue is on email with the manager and apply for a recharge on your credit card. Spend your money elsewhere. But it’s not life or death.
Embrace the Jennifer Coolidge character
Dress codes can be annoying in resorts, and while I don’t agree with places demanding jackets, I also don’t think bare chests or vests at dinner are okay. But fundamentally, someone else’s fashion sense is none of your business. I once stayed at a supremely luxe retreat in upstate New York and a Japanese gentleman was there alone (as he is, apparently, twice a year to live out his high-society dress-up fantasies) and attired in women’s couture for every meal. He would often change between courses. He had impeccable manners and was wildly chic. We bonded over a love of Lacroix and Guinness. If only every solo hotel guest brought that kind of glamour to the table – much like Jennifer Coolidge’s character Tanya.
Hold off on the heists
The “something has been stolen from my room” routine might seem like easy money to the amoral and brazen. But be under no illusion: hotels know everything. A friend who worked at a luxury chain hotel recalls a gentleman who accused staff of pilfering from his wife’s jewellery box and was escorted into a private room to be shown a video of someone who clearly wasn’t his wife (but was clearly being paid by the hour) leaving his room, alongside him, a few hours before, while his wife was oblivious by the pool.
Don’t be those people
Some people can’t stand children on holiday (me included), but far worse than toddlers running amok is the sight of parents getting wasted at lunchtime and then deciding to play water polo in a pool that’s really intended for gentle reflection, a few laps and a glass of albariño while you read the Cecil Beaton diaries. I once had the extraordinary pleasure of watching a group of Americans being passive-aggressively calmed down and removed by management from a pool at a swanky resort in Marrakech. You’re paying for your time there, but so is everyone else. Get an Airbnb if that’s what you want.
AdvertisementAdvertise with NZME.
Keep FaceTime for your room
It is a horrible modern phenomenon that some people have developed a techno-sociopathy, believing an amplified conversation with someone on the other end of a phone to be appropriate for public spaces. I once had dinner in the fanciest restaurant of the Ritz Carlton in Puerto Rico, and the woman at the next table decided to vape while screaming, “Hi honey! Yeah, I’m at dinner at the hotel!” to her daughter back in Alabama on her iPhone. It wasn’t, I soon realised, going to be a quick call. I called over a waiter and he moved us without question to the furthest acceptable table, and comped a round of drinks.
Don’t be a jerk to the staff
Just because someone is bringing you the margarita you ordered with mezcal rather than tequila, you are no better than they are. I’ve seen staff treated atrociously by guests, and while you have every right to complain about something (I’ve sent numerous dishes back to the kitchen with a polite explanation of what was wrong), if you’re pointlessly aggressive and want to show how “alpha” you are, you are 100 per cent going to get what’s coming to you.
These people control what you eat, and what you bathe and sleep in. To guarantee their wrath, threaten a bad review on social media. That will absolutely get you unwelcome ingredients in your main course.
New episodes of The White Lotus are available every Monday on Neon, and at 8.30pm on SoHo
