KEY POINTS:
Deadly snakes, tropical diseases, or the admittedly minimal risk of being stolen to be a bride were not enough to deter me from a trekking holiday in the remote highlands of Vietnam. It was more the thought of falling in a toilet if that is what they call those holes one is somehow meant to balance over, after decades of porcelain seat training.
The good news is that many of even the most remote Vietnamese villages aiming for the tourism market are starting to cater for western preferences with at least one ablution block offering the standard flush system. The bad news was I got to stay at the village that didn't.
I was staying high up a mountainside in a village called Hang Kia in the Mau Chau district, 135km south-west of Hanoi in the northern province of Hoa Binh.
Mau Chau is home to about 47,500 people belonging to Vietnam's ethnic minorities who are best known for their elaborate weavings.
Sometimes known as hill tribes or montagnards (mountain people) they all have their own dialects.
The H'mong, who I was to stay with, prefer the higher altitudes, and stand out dressed in their bright garments with red the dominant colour.
We were just a small group, myself and a handful of Australian journalists, and guests in a H'mong family's mud-floored traditional long house. Having left from Hanoi that morning we had arrived at the village towards the end of the day, a 5km walk in light rain that, while uphill, was not too strenuous and came with attractive bush clad views.
However it did mean that, by arrival, I was soaked to the skin. It may have been early November in south-east Asia, but it was decidedly chilly as the village is perched 1000m above sea level.
Someone in the group suggested a fire, which seemed like a great idea until it was lit inside the hut, next to our beds, with green wood. The entire place filled with smoke.
My clothes may have remained dampened but our spirits were not as we cracked open a few warm beers and enjoyed a simple fare of pork, fish, potatoes, cabbage, clear soup and omelette for dinner. At bedtime, as I lay down with my companions on a row of thin mattresses supported by a shared, hard wooden base in the windowless dark room I had a sudden flashback to the Hanoi Hilton (retired jail) we had visited the day before.
Never had I wanted to sleep more but it evaded me for hours. By 3am, well before daylight, the first of the roosters started crowing. Before long it was a dark valley of crowing roosters.
At dawn, the village chief, Gia, wandered along for a chat and a cup of tea. He probably hadn't had that much sleep either, having been at what sounded like a rice-wine-fuelled all-night party nearby. If it wasn't for the 20km trek looming ahead of us that day I might have crashed it.
The 68-year-old told us he was a "political instructor" in the "American war". He never had to fight but American planes dropped bombs near the village.
Gia says before 1992 the villagers grew opium and hemp. After that was outlawed, the Government helped fund new crops like maize and tapioca and the planting plums, apricot and peach orchards.
Gia told us he has 13 children, most who live nearby. Many share homes as it can take up to two years to collect enough materials to build a home. Wood is highly valued and closely guarded commodity.
As we set off on the downhill trek motorbikes whizzed past with huge planks on the back, striking up all sorts of slapstick images.
After the bustle of Hanoi a day before, and one of my worst sleeps, I felt surprisingly awake and elated.
Later that day, when we stopped for afternoon tea in a White Thai village, I was overcome with joy as someone whispered "good news". Four flush toilets, all in a row.
* Angela Gregory visited Vietnam as a guest of World Expeditions.
Further information: World Expeditions offers a 21-day fully escorted touring adventure covering the highlights of Vietnam and Cambodia, including Halong Bay, Hoi An, the Mekong Delta and the exquisite temples of Angkor Wat.
The trip costs $3590 per person, share twin, joining in Hanoi, and includes daily breakfast, some lunches and dinners, private air-conditioned transport, sightseeing and park entry fees, expert bilingual local guide, and hotel, train and boat accommodation. For more info call World Expeditions toll free on 0800 350 354
