KEY POINTS:
I'm strolling down Duval St on the day before Halloween. Here's a man dressed in a nappy and a canary yellow 10-gallon cowboy hat.
A middle-aged woman of ample proportions - let's call her Doris from Denver - is wearing painted-on leopard skin spots and nothing much else.
Six buffed boys in sailor hats and itsy-bitsy shorts gossip outside a bar called Sloppy Joe's. I've never seen so many bare breasts and buttocks in my life. And it's only 10am.
Witches and warlocks, tricks or treats and slasher horror movies may be the prevalent image of the United States in Autumn, but this is Halloween-on-heat down in Key West, Florida, when late October is an excuse for a huge 10-day party called Fantasy Fest.
Puritan America is a different country. Here at the southernmost point of the US, just 145km from Cuba, Bush is widely ridiculed, the Bible is rarely bashed and sun-kissed hordes let it all hang out. The locals call it the Conch Republic, having declared themselves independent of the US in 1982.
At the same time, they declared war on Washington, which shows what a large pinch of salt you need on the rim of your margarita when considering claims that Key West is not part of the union.
Yet it does serve to drive home the point that this laid-back, tolerant, party-loving island is unlike anywhere else in the US, with a maverick underbelly that dates back to the days when piracy was the biggest industry here.
A lone pilgrim drags a cross past Margaritaville, one of countless tourist-trap bars, with a banner that insists "Jesus Died For You". But there's no sign of the ever-growing crowds repenting.
By tonight, Duval St, the main drag through the historic quarter of the town, will be crammed with 70,000 revellers intent on worshipping not Jesus but Bacchus as the party reaches its climax with the Fantasy Fest parade.
I've been to this kind of bash before: Sydney Mardi Gras, London Gay Pride. The difference is that at those parties it's the gay boys and girls who have all the fun, and the tame straights must be content to be spectators.
Here, on this flat, balmy 6.5km by 3.2km island, everyone's at it. So much so that it's the likes of me, in dull shorts, vest and flip-flops, who look out of place. There's a big gay presence to be sure, but liberation for all is writ large as thousands dare to bare, have their bodies painted and feel the warm southern breeze on their flesh.
Total nudity isn't allowed, so thousands get round that by wearing paint. Body-painters are already doing a roaring trade up and down the street.
Then there are the coloured beads, millions of them, from peanut size to football size. You're not dressed unless you've got a dozen strings round your neck. They're on sale at every other shop, but if you don't get round to it, that's no problem. Thousands of strings will be hurled at the crowd tonight as floats pass down the streets and the island population swells to three times its normal 30,000.
Though Fantasy Fest has been running for 27 years, it still seems to be a bit of a secret on the international scene compared with similar orgies of fun in Sydney and Rio de Janeiro.
It's easy enough to get here under your own steam with a flight to Miami, then either another half-hour flight to Key West airport or a hire car and a 209km drive south. I'm staying in the Doubletree, one of many big resort hotels.
Next time, though, I'd be tempted by one of the guesthouses in the historic town centre, which offer a more authentic Key West experience, but are usually booked solid well before Fantasy Fest, which this year runs from October 21-30 under the banner of Freaks, Geeks and Goddesses.
When you get fed up with boobs, bums and baubles, you can do all the regular non-fest Key West things: Hemingway's house or the Truman museum.
Browse the stalls at the Bahamian village. Have your picture taken next to the marker that says Southernmost Point of the USA. Chase the ultimate Key Lime pie, conch fritter and margarita.
Explore the streets of colonial-style white-wood houses, all verandas and lush foliage. Head on up to the other Keys - Largo, Marathon and so on - islands connected by US Highway 1 running 161km from the mainland, and offering great seafood, fishing, water sports, snorkelling and diving on the Florida reef.
Or you can do what I do next - watch the sunset from Mallory Square, the Key West equivalent of Covent Garden, complete with jugglers and fire eaters.
Here I meet up with some Brits I've befriended. We laugh at how the Yanks think they're being daring when they know nothing of decadence compared to us Europeans. It's true that there's something a little tame, slightly sanitised, about this orgy. Everything is sponsored. Even the Leather Fetish Party seems to be run by the Key West Business Guild.
The jollity can be laboured, too. Parade marshals now taking up position on Duval St are called "madness ambassadors". We "robed revellers" are exhorted to be "frolicsome" and enjoy the "menu of mania" on offer ... before being warned of the activities forbidden "within the designated fantasy zone".
But now the sun has set, the parade is beginning and Duval St is jammed full of people. Music blares, lights flash, sequins sparkle, flesh writhes.
The first float appears, the crowd roars and everyone is grinning. Even the cynical Brits.
- Observer
Checklist
Fantasy Fest
* Further information
The 29th Annual Fantasy Fest will be held at Key West on October 19-28. The theme this year is Gnomes, Toads and White Rabbit Tea Parties and the celebrations include costume competitions, promenades, street fairs and a grand parade featuring marching groups and lavish floats.
Details are available online at www.fantasyfest.net
