A weekly ode to the joys of moaning about your holiday, by Tim Roxborogh.
I've snuck into my fair share of hotels over the years. Never to stay at — goodness no! My parents would be too ashamed and I'd feel way too guilty. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't an extended period during my 20s where I'd waltz into nice hotels with my togs in my bag and use their swimming pools free of charge. If I was doing some on-foot sightseeing in a hot place like Hanoi or Bangkok or Kuala Lumpur, I'd have the swimming gear all packed and would pick the fancy hotel with the fanciest pool and stride on in when I needed cooling off. Confidence was the key and, more often than not, staff would just assume I was a guest.
I mention this braggadocious tomfoolery of youth for two reasons: who am I kidding? I'm proud I used to be this game! What's become of me? I'm way too boring and sensible now to even attempt a Free Hotel Pool Manoeuvre (FHPM) — but wow, wind the clock back a decade and this was my stock in trade in the tropics.
But there's a second reason and it's one that almost brings moisture to the eyes: hotel swipe cards have largely made the FHPM a thing of the past. Improved hotel security has meant many of the pools I used to sneak into are now accessed only by swipe cards.
How distressing! It's sad to think that this entirely harmless outlet for people who are otherwise goody-goods has left us.