A weekly ode to the joys of moaning about your holiday, by Tim Roxborogh.
I hadn't even noticed the artwork. I was just focused on settling some jangly nerves ahead of hearing my name read out to sing. My first song choice was Paul Simon's 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover and there was no time to analyse all the pictures on the walls. It was New York, 2006, I was a naive young man in the Big Apple for the first time and life was good. I'd made some friends at a backpackers off Times Square, we'd walked the Brooklyn Bridge, seen some stand-up comedy, grabbed a hot dog for cliche's sake and were now having some lung-bursting good times at a karaoke bar.
Let me preface all of this with a sincere and Seinfeldian "not that there's anything wrong with that". As in, the first (unnoticed) indication this was very much a gay karaoke bar was being asked to dance by a friendly local man. The obvious connotation flew over my oblivious head. I'm not really a dancer so I encouraged the man to dance with the girls I was with, to which he looked a little dejected.
Feeling buoyed that the man had also told me he liked my singing, I bragged to two American women next to me at the bar that "a guy has just asked me to dance! What a hoot!" They shot me an expression that said, "we are of the opinion you are not a hoot".
I then went to the bathroom and for the first time in my water closet career saw multiple toilet bowls - not urinals - but toilet bowls with the stall walls removed. The urinals were at right angles to the bowls and there were mirrors everywhere. "What an unusual bathroom," I thought.