What it's like moving to France - from an expat. Photo / 123rf
What it's like moving to France - from an expat. Photo / 123rf
Moving to France can sound like a fairytale, but there are some things you should know before you take the leap, writes Agnes Groonwald.
My husband and I had travelled all over the world before deciding to move abroad from the United States. The ease of applying and my background, albeit limited, in French quickly brought France to the top of options that would make the most sense.
We moved to a suburb outside Paris sight unseen, based on what we’d read online about its friendliness to expats. While it’s certainly been a net positive in many ways, there are things we’ve learned after a full year here that have surprised us.
We’ve found learning conversational French to be quite challenging, despite the four years of French I took in high school. Your perfect grammar won’t matter when you’re getting rapid-fire questions at a boulangerie with a long line behind you.
Phrases are clipped, subtext missed, and full sentences are lost in translation. As we’re in an expat-friendly community, the majority of those around us do speak some English and switch as soon as they hear that whisper of indecision.
I’ve become braver about asking them to continue in French to help me practice my own skills, but it can depend on the recipient. They’re not here to teach you, after all, although we have found that people are much warmer with you when you lead with French.
People are much warmer with you when you lead with French. Photo / Mihai Halmi-Nistor on Unsplash
Manners are a HUGE deal, until they aren’t
If you’ve gotten an icy reception from French locals, you’ve probably ignored a rule about manners.
By now most visitors know that they should offer a “Bonjour” upon entry to any establishment in France. They also expect a “Merci, au revoir” when you exit that establishment, even if you only spend a minute inside browsing, and that you greet strangers as “Monsieur” or “Madame.”
We’ve found a few exceptions to societal norms, though. The stereotype about the French not wanting to pick up after their dogs is true. As dog owners who always worry about how we’re perceived as we navigate the world with our pup, this one is irksome. We’ve seen some locals fighting the good fight and offering bags to those who forget that last step, but leaving the piles behind is more common here than anywhere else we’ve been.
The stereotype about the French not wanting to pick up after their dogs is true. Photo / Getty Images
They eat so much more bread than you think
It’s rare that a day goes by where we don’t see at least half a dozen people walking the streets with at least one baguette in hand. We like to joke about the kind of day they’re having if they’re holding more than two in their grasp.
It’s also typical to find the end of the bread missing by the time the person gets home. Eating while you walk isn’t taboo here, no matter what you’ve been told.
The little ones are in on it, too. The usual after-school snack is a brioche slathered in Nutella or any one of the delicious pastries we’ve come to know and indulge in on a regular basis. Access to the best bread you’ve had in your life at an affordable price is something we’ll truly miss when it’s time to head back to the US.
Delicious pastries we’ve come to know and indulge in on a regular basis. Photo / Ahtziri Lagarde on Unsplash
The French love to walk
This is a simplistic way of saying they value movement. It makes sense. The food here can be indulgent and you already know the French love their carbohydrates.
Sometimes they walk with purpose and destination in mind. Sometimes they’re out in the woods foraging for chestnuts or wild mushrooms (this is as whimsical as it sounds). Oftentimes, they’re just walking to walk. They’re not on their phones as they do so, either, even if they’re walking solo. We’ve done our best to do the same, but I envy the mindfulness behind the act that seems so effortless for locals.
Walking for mindfulness. Photo / Johan Mouchet on Unsplash
They buy into the stereotype of rude Parisians, too
Whenever we travel elsewhere in France, we’re often asked about our perceptions of the French in Paris. Even when we insist we haven’t had bad treatment on any trips into the city, we get incredulous looks from locals who think we’re holding back.
Parisians seem more no-nonsense compared to elsewhere, but we haven’t encountered the level of rudeness they’re known for by tourists and, apparently, other French people. The French seem to resent the idea that they’re cold and unwelcoming to outsiders, but they also buy into that same idea when it’s targeted at Parisians. There is definitely a divide there.
It really doesn’t matter what you wear
Despite our proximity to Paris, we’ve seen it all. Locals wear shorts in the summer. (How could you not, when air conditioning isn’t a thing?) They also wear sweats, track pants, and baseball caps, although we’ve found that leggings are still reserved for fitness.
Dressing very casually is less common in Paris, but with so many tourists visiting the city, you’ll see anything and everything there. When you’re here, dress for comfort and the seasons. If you’re really worried about fitting in, throw on a scarf. They’ll wear them in the summer and the winter to not only look chic, but to ward off illness.
Dressing very casually is less common in Paris. Photo / Laura Chouette on Unsplash
No topic is too taboo for discussion
Before we moved to France, we were told that it’s bad manners to discuss things like what you do and how much money you make. The French love to talk about their hobbies and what they like to do in their free time, as that’s where they place the most value.
At least, that’s what we were told.
Now that we’re here, we’ve found that there is no topic off the table when you’re conversing with locals. I’m not even referring to conversations with friends. We’ve had small talk that dug into the depths of our political and religious beliefs, and certainly about what we do for work. If you’re lucky enough to make deeper connections here, the questions get even more probing.
It can be hard to make connections
You really need to put yourself out there to make friends with locals. That can be intimidating if you’re just learning the language, even though they love it when you humble yourself and throw out as much French as you know. Many of them are just as uncomfortable practising their English as their “school English” has likely left some gaps in their knowledge.
Even with fresh connections, you will miss loved ones back home and the comfort of navigating more familiar terrain. That’s expected. We still don’t have any regrets and for now, continue to embrace the quirks and consistent stream of sweet treats involved with living in France.
