The impact hurt. But the thing that really shocked me was how it wasn't my fault. There I was, feeling particularly smug having just gone off-piste for the first time, when ... wham. A mad Irishwoman slams into me and skis over my right thigh.
The crash happened up top of Canadian ski resort Whistler. Six weeks later the swelling was still there.
It was on that day, however, I discovered if you shout "I am a rock-star skier" in a bad French accent and try to go as fast as possible you might, just, start enjoying this weird sport of strapping your feet into a couple of bits of metal and throwing yourself off the top of a mountain. Also, don't look down.
My ski instructor identifies herself only as "Princess" and has an air of grandeur one would expect from an elderly society dame, rather than a faded ski bunny. She knows nothing of fear, but everything about every local we pass. She even organises dinner reservations for people in our ski group. Skiing, she says, is all about balance, going fast and not being afraid.
The next day I have another instructor. He's a former school teacher and he tells me all about the secrets to skiing - balance, mass, transferral of weight and the importance of keeping my skis on a curve. I'm starting to get it. Move my knees across the body. Don't yank the upper body. Don't panic. I discover I like going fast.
At another resort, Sun Peaks, a former Olympic gold medallist, Nancy Greene, tells me to ski on the balls of my feet. Like I'm wearing high heels. This, she says, is the secret to skiing. She's told only me in our group, she says, making me feel special. Later, I find she's also put it all into a book.
I give up on lessons the day I have an Estonian who skis with me once and tells me, "I have told you your problems and yet still you do them." Honey, it just ain't that easy for some of us.
I'm in Canada to look at British Columbia's ski resorts and to find out about Vancouver (nice place, don't spend too much time there; try the Blue Water Cafe).
I keep telling the people in my group, all of whom are good skiers, that I'm terrible. That I can hardly put my boots on. I plan to surprise them by being really good. Like in the movies when the hero wakes up to discover he can speak Spanish or fly.
To this end I refuse to ski with them until I have had several lessons. Also because last year at Turoa my friend Sarah laughed and mocked my ski style so much I left after half a day.
The lessons, contrary though they are, really do work. Within a week I am able to ski past people I had presumed would be better than me and I break the Herald curse - it seems pretty much every time someone goes on a big ski trip they get injured so badly the holiday is more shopping than snow. I've also progressed from the easy green runs to the intermediate blue runs and even the occasional difficult black run.
Canada's a great place to ski - the snow is deeper and drier than in New Zealand, the ski areas are huge, and the villages are close to the action and a lot of fun in themselves.
Within half an hour of Vancouver there are small fields such as Grouse Mountain and many Vancouverites live for the snow. If you have time, spend a few days in Vancouver first, making regular trips up to Grouse Mountain, to get your body working.
I travelled by road to the four resorts I visited - Whistler, Sun Peaks, Silver Star and Big White. The longest trip was Whistler-Sun Peaks through exquisite frozen bush and mountain scenery. It was early December and the lakes were starting to freeze over, looking thick and still, like huge pools of blue molasses. Douglas fir covered every available spot and we saw coyotes on the roadside.
It was, everyone kept saying, unseasonally cold. The temperature went as low as -19C at night, and -12C when I was skiing, but with no wind it was surprisingly warm. It was a good idea to be inside, however, if there was anything more than a breeze - especially if the chairlifts were exposed.
Here's the lowdown on the resorts:
WHISTLER
With 5400 hotel rooms and capacity to handle 60,000 skiers, Whistler is British Columbia's big resort. It is consistently rated one of the world's top ski resorts and is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics. It has the most terrain and greatest vertical of any resort in North America. And it's equally famous for its apres-ski. The skiing is on two mountains, Whistler and neighbour Blackcomb.
The skiing is great - a huge range for different abilities, three proper gondolas for getting up the mountain. Lovely long runs with incredible views, especially once you get near the backcountry. No one would be disappointed.
Pros
Thoroughly professional set-up. Very slick. Caters for everyone from backpackers to billionaires - but with emphasis on the latter. It spends C$13-$15 million ($19-$22 million) in improvements each year and C$1 billion is being spent on the Whistler-Vancouver road in anticipation of the Games. Excellent ski school.
Cons
Expensive. Soulless. Probably nearing its maximum capacity. Snow not as good as other three resorts visited. It's so big you take a bus then walk to get near the bottom ski lift. And on my first night there, the bus driver didn't know where the town centre was.
Kiwi factor
Probably more New Zealanders working here than elsewhere.
Terrain
Over 200 runs, 3306ha terrain, 1609m vertical drop.
Blackcomb: expert 30 per cent; intermediate 55 per cent; beginner 15 per cent. Whistler: expert 25 per cent; intermediate 55 per cent; beginner 20 per cent.
Insider's tip
Try the Zog Dog stand not far from the bottom of the main ski-lift in Whistler township. They're sensational and - unlike most Whistler things - cheap.
SUN PEAKS
If the Austrians like it, it must be good. And the Austrians are going to be training here off and on right up to the 2010 Olympics. Despite every resort claiming to be family-friendly, Sun Peaks really is the best here. That might be because it has its very own mum and dad in Nancy Greene and Al Raine. Nancy is an Olympic gold medallist and a Canadian icon.
The skiing is great - lovely soft powder, and lots of it. Some really long runs; plenty to challenge anyone. Not at all crowded, even on busy days. The resort is developing quickly with new lifts put in whenever it's near capacity - the whole place is owned by a skilift firm.
Pros
Friendly locals. Great snow - amazing skiing. Long runs. You can leave the hotel with your skis already on. Feels quite like New Zealand. Environmentally friendly set-up. Very planned development aiming to keep it small and easy for families. Some runs up to 8km long.
Cons
Very little for the non-skier to do except have a spa or drive to the nearby town of Kamloops for shopping etc. Only one decent late-night bar. Not sure what time it closes.
Kiwi factor
So few New Zealanders that after a night in town people greeted us on the street with a shout of "Kiwis".
Terrain
117 runs, 1497ha terrain, 881m vertical drop.
Expert 32 per cent; intermediate 58; beginner 10.
Insider's tip
The Blazers, Kamloops ice hockey team. Nancy and Al are crazy for them and if you ask nicely they will probably take you to a game. Don't try to understand the rules - just enjoy it. When we went, the presenter announced we were the New Zealand national ski team because Nancy and Al took the Austrian team the last time.
We also embarrassed ourselves by chanting "take it up the other end". Apparently, the Canadians prefer the more sober "Defence, defence, defence".
BIG WHITE
Throw another shrimp on the snow and make yourself at home, cobber. The first five people I meet are Australian. In fact, it's a couple of hours till I meet a Canadian. The why becomes obvious when I discover it's owned by an Australian. That means getting work visas is easy and they come over here faster than a convict fleeing prison through an open door. John Farnham seems to be their official mascot.
Simply great skiing. The lifts and runs are designed to allow you a day of skiing without doing the same run twice. The better skiers and boarders in our tour party enjoyed skiing among the multitude of trees, which have been thinned just enough to get through them. Although one guy did manage to pretty much eat a small douglas fir.
Pros
Just fantastic skiing - no matter your ability level. Well-organised. Great ski runs. Seems very snowboard-oriented - home of the Canadian snowboard champs. Regular night skiing. Good bars. Great guides. Ski to and from your hotel. Great food - including a wonderful bakery. Best pizza I've ever had.
Cons
None
Kiwi factor
Under the closer economic relations agreement with Australia, this place is teeming with us, though we have funny accents.
Terrain
118 runs, 1118ha terrain, 777m vertical drop.
Expert 26 per cent; intermediate 56; beginner 18.
Insider's tip
Try the flaming gunbarrel coffee at Snowshoe Sams. The food and local wine at Kettle Valley Steakhouse is excellent. The bar downstairs is good, but maybe not suitable for the whole family.
SILVER STAR
Least-developed of the four the Herald reviewed, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It still feels a little like a club, rather than a resort. Silver Star has more than 60km of Nordic (cross-country) skiing. When I visited, the resort was snowed under, so to speak, with the Nordic world champs. The place was at capacity plus, but still felt relaxed. As with elsewhere, you won't complain about the snow. Plenty of long runs - one of them took about half an hour and I saw only one other person. It's not a place for the first-timer, though.
Pros
Multi-day lift tickets also valid for Big White, which is owned by the same Australian and only an hour or so away. The expert skiers in our group really loved this place. Popular for weddings. Has a chapel at the top of the mountain,
Cons
Not much for the intermediate skier - the medium runs would be classified easy elsewhere and the hard ones are cliffs.
Kiwi factor
No staff, but there was a New Zealander in the cross-country champs.
Terrain
112 runs, 1240ha terrain, 881m vertical drop.
Extreme 10 per cent; expert 20; intermediate 50; beginner 20
Insider's tip
Do a twilight snowmobile trip. It's great fun and the views are spectacular. And check out the basement bar at the Putnam Station Inn. After a few glasses of bubbles you can go upstairs to check out their model railway. For great pub meals, don't slide past Long Johns Pub.
GETTING THERE
Air Canada and Air New Zealand jointly provide the most frequent and direct links to the Western Canada ski resorts. Whistler is accessed through Vancouver, Sun Peaks via Kamloops, and Silver Star and Big White via Kelowna.
* Matt Martel travelled to Canada as the guest of Air Canada, Air New Zealand, Ski Travel Specialists and Tourism British Columbia.
Skiing like a rock star on heels
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