The 13th-century Pluscarden Abbey is six miles from Elgin, Scotland, and you'll be welcome, whether you're Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, undecided or nothing at all.
Quiet contemplation: listen to soothing Gregorian chants in Elgin. Photo / Supplied
What's more, it won't cost a thing (but donations are welcome) and you can stay a night or up to a year.
The 17 Catholic Benedictine monks make up the largest religious community in Scotland. Sit and listen to soothing Gregorian chants or join prayers that begin at 4am.
Guest houses are at each end of the grounds - St Benedict's has 14 rooms for men; St Scholastica has ten for women, all with a bed, basin, desk and communal shower area.
"We are not competing with the Ritz here," says Father Giles.
Deep in the Dordogne, millennials and Silicon Valley types mingle over vegan meals and question the meaning of life.
Plum village: Deep silence in the Dordogne. Photo / Supplied
This Buddhist monastery is the largest of Plum Village, a global collective of Buddhism centres, the first of which was established by superpower monk, peace activist and Zen Master, Thich Nhat Hanh.
It's compulsory to do 90 minutes of chores daily. Retreats last a week to ten days. There's plenty of guided sitting meditation and silent walking.
Details: Dormitory accommodation costs from $620 a week including meals and teachings, plumvillage.org.
Silent bliss in Bali
Serenity awaits in the jungle landscape of Bali. It's not all hard beds and servings of gruel: this where meditation meets its cashmere quilted cousin.
Set among rice fields, the Bali Silent Retreat is the perfect place to enjoy silence. Photo / Supplied
A vegetarian buffet is served three times daily at the bang of a gong. Set among rice fields with hot springs nearby and Mt Batu Karu behind, this is the perfect place to enjoy silence.
It was established in 2013 near Tabanan City by a retired American and a Balinese naturalist who offer "space without religion, with fresh foods, medicines, and clean living".
Details: Day passes cost $55; accommodation is from $40 a night in a dorm (women only); private bungalows from $135, balisilentretreat.com.
How quiet was my valley
Maenllwyd Retreat Centre, near Powys in Wales, has provided Buddhist retreats for more than 40 years. Founded by John Crook, this retreat is housed in a 17th-century farmhouse with no electricity, no telephone, no mobile reception. The only nod to modernisation is mains water.
Maenllwyd Retreat Centre has provided Buddhist retreats for more than 40 years. Photo / Facebook.com, Western Chan Fellowship
Details: Western Zen Retreats offers seven nights from $720, including vegetarian meals, (westernchanfellowship.org, 0161 761 1945).
Devoted in Devon
Gaia House in South Devon is a former convent near Newton Abbot and has been a convert to silent retreats since 1983.
Gaia House in the UK is a former convent near Newton Abbot. Photo / Facebook.com, Gaia House
No one says a word for a week - except in November when you're expected to keep silent for the whole month.
Housework? Clock on for an hour after breakfast and lunch to wash up, sweep floors, polish tables and prepare vegetables for the next meat-free meal. Gaia doesn't ban phones, but you wouldn't dare use one.
Details: Shared accommodation from $94 a night, including all vegetarian meals, gaiahouse.co.uk.
Thai silence
The philosophy at Wat Suan Mokkh in southern Thailand, near to Surat Thani airport, is simple - sleep on a concrete bed like a proper monk and don't even think about swatting a mosquito. Everything is sacred.
There are chores - arrive early and you might avoid the loo cleaning task.
Abandon everything that connects to modern life: books, Kindles, phones... Improving your memory, slowing your heart rate and instilling calm is the goal here.
Details: $92 covers ten days, including two vegetarian meals daily, suanmokkh-idh.org.
