Lifestyle and travel editor Jenni Mortimer checks into the Emporium Hotel in South Bank, Brisbane for a luxury stay set to thrill.
Anyone who says “money can’t buy happiness’”has clearly never checked into the Emporium Hotel in South Bank.
When I entered the red neons, zebra printed and highly mirrored hotel, I realised the joy that can come with absolute opulence. While sad beige rich - Kim Kardashian circa 2023 - has been trending in high-end hotel decor for some time now, there was a childlike glee in me as I soaked in the maximalism that was the Emporium.
Stepping into the elevator to be taken up to our room on the 16th floor, I was greeted by a great white shark which began smashing into the sides of the elevator, finally breaking through as we reached my floor. My 5-year-old immediately wanted to get back in the elevator and ride it back down, only to find us greeted by a golden dragon for our next ride, coming back up with a dancing glowstick stick figure. There’s a lot to process there.
Our second elevator ride featured a gold dragon that followed our every move. Photo / NZ Herald
After the third trip in the elevator - which you beckon using a gameshow-style buzzer - we finally entered our spacious room where our bags had been swiftly delivered. The room itself was luxurious, furnished with gold accents, mirrors and marble. The curtains opened themselves as soon as we entered and I added that to the list of features I would want in my own home if the Lotto gods were on my side.
I also added to the list the TV that was hidden behind a giant mirror in the centre of the room, the wine bar, a window between the bathroom and the bedroom that you could frost with the touch of a button and a chaise longue that stretched in front of a view of the city, begging for you to eat grapes on - we settled for chocolate-coated macadamias from the minibar.
The rooms feature a stunning mirror that hides the TV. Photo / Supplied
Anyone with kids will know the allure of a hotel pool, so we got in our togs to head up to the heated infinity pool on the rooftop, complete with a stainless steel sculptural outdoor shower shaped like a 7ft flower - did I mention the extravagance? The views of the city from the pool were breathtaking and it was perfectly positioned to take in the surroundings, without having to hear their hustle and bustle.
Behind the pool was a well-equipped gym, which may have been where the hotel tried minimalism as it featured the only subtle furnishings in this hotel experience - I really was expecting gold dumbells. In a return to the prescribed opulence the hotel also offers a spa pool, with zebra-print tile work and a sauna and steam room.
The spa and sauna at the Emporium Hotel, South Bank. Photo / Supplied
The service at the Emporium was impeccable - when I realised I had forgotten my son’s favourite soft toy in the car, the valet went and fetched the bag containing it and made me feel like it was truly no trouble at all to venture to the offsite carpark for a dirty piece of fabric that closely resembles a rabbit.
That evening, we headed offsite for dinner - most of South Bank’s offerings including the pools, museum and waterside dining are accessible via a 5-10 minute picturesque walk - and then returned to our room for bed. The room had a spa-style bath and shower complete with a normal shower head and rainshower head, as well as a huge marble vanity top.
The super-king bed was incredibly comfortable as I enjoyed a cup of tea in it while my son watched Bluey on the TV, which truly baffled him when it revealed itself from behind the mirror.
While the stay and the vibe were family-friendly, some crafty parental modifications were needed to make it 5-year-old boy-friendly. The bedside tables featured some pretty sharp corners which I wedged a pillow next to and the mini bar was loaded with tiny alcohol bottles in a transparent drawer right at toddler eye level. They were relocated to the top shelf during the duration of our stay.
The view at night from the rooftop pool. Photo / Supplied
In the morning before we left, we enjoyed breakfast at Signature Restaurant located on the hotel’s ground floor, next to the piano bar, and found it was incredible value for money. For $39 we got a selection of fruit and pastry at the table, barista coffee and any of their breakfast menu items. I opted for the Spanish eggs that were rich in flavour and generous in portion size. The pink velvet decor of the restaurant was another feature I added to my When I Win Lotto wishlist.
Checking out was seamless, we simply paid for our chocolate-covered macadamias, my son nabbed a zebra print complimentary pen (at least I hope it was complimentary) and our car was ready and waiting, loaded with our bags.
As we drove away, still recovering from our most recent elevator shark attack, I made a mental note to buy a lotto ticket and if nothing else, find a way to incorporate zebra print into my life.
Checklist
BRISBANE
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Fly from Auckland to Brisbane non-stop with Air NZ, Qantas, Jetstar and China Airlines in around three hours and 50 minutes.
Jenni Mortimer is the New Zealand Herald’s lifestyle and travel editor - audience. Jenni started at the Herald in 2017 and previously worked as an education publication editor. She is mum to 5-year-old son whom she loves taking on adventures across the globe.
