And the first prize for most evocative place name goes to: Bland Bay. Perhaps not, but some whaling captain apparently did something significant near this pristine piece of Northland so it is saddled with his name.
When I found it on a map it seemed to be an appendix on the backside of Northland, but some who knew the place said it was fantastic.
At four hours from central Auckland, it is not a day-trip, but is within reach. Just off State Highway 1 on the Old Russell Rd, we came across the Gallery Cafe at Helena Bay.
It was a prime stop for lunch and had a fantastic view across folded hillsides covered in bush to the Pacific in the distance, and a gallery with a stunning collection of New Zealand art.
Later, down into the folds, along roads gripping the blind curves, we were into one-way-bridge country of farmlets, tussock, dumped cars and hillocks terraced by erosion and hooves.
Take the turnoff to Whangaruru North and you're in Bland Bay, or Taparehuia - surely a better moniker - and then the seal ends. This is where I had found the bay on a rental-car company map. Their cars are "not permitted" on the rest of the road.
Up a small hill, we paused on the top for the most fantastic view of Bland Bay on the right and the Whangaruru Harbour on the left.
We were staying at Pawhaoa Bay Lodge, built 20 grassed metres from the edge of the harbour.
The owners, Bill and Claire Hurst, began camping at the bay with their family 30 years ago and opened the five-star Qualmark lodge three years ago. Bill has set up a website linking other similar accommodation, and Claire whips up three-course meals that would not be out of place in a five-star restaurant in the big smoke.
The sounds of birds, lapping water and the breeze are interrupted only a couple of times a day by cars crunching on gravel behind the lodge.
The hills on the other side of the road are DoC land where bush is regenerating from farmland and birdlife is increasing. Calls of the little brown kiwi can be heard in the evening. Once a British couple leaving at 5am to catch a flight home, were astounded to see a kiwi in the middle of the road.
The harbour and isthmus are the historic home of Ngatiwai and the area is dotted with pa sites. Although most are on private land, a pa on the Kirikiri headland has open access.
I had read that many of the oyster beds are for tangata whenua only; I found out the morning we were leaving that the beds on the other side of the same headland - a 15-minute stroll away - were available to all.
I was the only visiting "all" that morning who drooled at the thought of oysters and it was high tide!
The harbour, which has no bars or rips, is safe for swimming and boating. Pods of dolphins and orca regularly cruise the harbour - the dolphins attracted by the sound of children's voices, swimming close to boats and turning over so their bellies can be rubbed.
On calm nights, the chatter of fishermen can be heard 2km away on the other side. Over there, at Oakura Bay, charter boats offer dive and cruise trips to the Poor Knights Islands and promise snapper, kingfish, hapuku, terakihi, shark, marlin or tuna.
Back over the hill, Bland Bay is a 2km curve of white-sand surf beach and south of the main beach, towards the end of the peninsular, is great for diving and snorkelling.
The bay is also home to Ailsa Lewis, a holistic masseuse. Before moving north for her retirement, she was based in Auckland and many clients from there still see her for regular treatments. She also has a loyal following among the locals.
Sir went to see her on our first afternoon. "It was the strangest thing - I had to drive through a ford and climb back up on to the grass, scattering chickens, to be greeted by a little old lady."
I'm not sure what he was expecting. Ailsa is slight and white-haired, but she is as strong as a horse and has inbuilt sonar which homes in on pressure points and puts depth charges into deep-tissue massage.
The next day, after an enormous breakfast ("we're not going to need lunch after this") we took the coastal road to Russell.
A country music festival was in progress and around corners in the usually sleepy town we came across line dancing - or, according to the advertising outside the pub - boot scooting.
Lots of stetsons were in town, many of them pink.
After the obligatory sidestep to the flagpole at Kororareka and nearby centennial sundial we moseyed out of town, this time taking the inland loop, through the Ngaiotonga reserve of virgin bush.
The gravel road's hairpin bends cling to the mountains - which may not strictly be mountains but to a townie like me they were bloody high, just as the drop down the other side seemed sheer.
I was concentrating on assisting the driving from the passenger side and prayed we didn't meet anyone coming the other way. We had been warned about local hoons.
In the afternoon we headed back to the mountains, on foot this time. It was great tramping country.
We headed first across farmland, then into the bush - thank DoC for direction markers.
It wasn't a difficult walk, but I was glad of my hiking boots on the way up and manuka trunks for Tarzan-like swings on the way down.
Okay, not Tarzan, but they were useful grab-handles. There were many ups and downs as we headed for the trig station, skirting two spectacular bays on the way and crossing a swamp by boardwalk on the way back.
The last section was through a field of cows and their calves. "No," said Sir, "there are no bulls. Yes, I know they're big, but they will not charge."
The next day, tides precluding oyster gathering, we walked the length of Bland Bay. Pristine. Breathtaking. Untouched. All of that and more.
The Whangarei Coastal Management Strategy sees the area as "quiet relaxed communities respecting a treasured national environment" and the powers that be want to "retain low-key development of Bland Bay - low residential growth".
In other words they want to keep it bland. Amen.
CHECKLIST
Getting there
From Whangarei head north on State Highway 1 for 15 minutes. Just past the Whakapara BP station, turn right on to the Old Russell Rd, signposted to Oakura. Follow the signs to Bland Bay, staying on the tar-sealed road for about 40km to the small settlement of Ngaiatonga. Cross the bridge and turn right to Bland Bay.
Accommodation
Pawhaoa Bay Lodge is at (09) 433 6566, 0274 399 440 or cbhurst@ihug.co.nz.
Bland Bay Motor Camp is at (09) 433 6759. Contact the Whangaruru DoC campsite via the Tarewa Park Information centre (09) 430 2007.
Activities
The camp store is only open a few hours a day out of season. You can try kayaking, hiking, birdwatching, swimming and snorkelling. Holistic massage available from Ailsa Lewis (09) 433 6500.
Fishing and diving is offered by Oakura Bay Fish Dive & Cruise, (09) 433 6877.
* Maureen Marriner visited Bland Bay as a guest of Pawhaoa Bay Lodge.
Pristine aquatic haven awaits in Northland
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