My other job is acting, darling

By MEGAN SINGLETON

Apparently Sly Stallone's brother Frank has a way of winding people up after a few drinks, and in a bar in Beverly Hills I was hearing all about it.

Not that the conversation was being directed at me. I was sitting at the bar of my hotel keeping one ear on the celebrity gossip while talking to Molly, the bar manager whose real name is Ethel and whose real job, she told me, is an actress. That she hasn't starred in anything and doesn't yet have an agent to get her auditions doesn't seem to preclude the title.

I was in Los Angeles on a mission. My plan was to stalk celebrities for two days on the way to Europe. I figured Beverly Hills would be the place to trawl and found one of the cheapest hotels that, most importantly, was also frequented by the stars.

The tired Hollywood sign peeked out between buildings and powerlines on the drive from the airport, still powerful enough to lure wannabes to give up their day jobs and seek fame and fortune.

Molly had moved from Colorado to seek the bright lights a couple of years ago and so far she has positioned herself well. Bar Noir at Maison 140 is the moody, low-lit bar where she pours chardonnays of an evening in a groovy, boutique hotel with French/Mandarin decor.

It is often visited by producers and directors who could sign her any day. The night I met her she was still getting over pouring Madonna and Guy Ritchie's drinks from the previous night while Madge's Hollywood song played on the carefully chosen music rotation.

But so it is with waiters and shop assistants in this town. Everyone's an actor and when they tire of that, they become governors.

Think Hollywood stars and the latest crush targets, such as Brad Pitt, Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, et al spring to mind. In LA if you've had one line in a movie you are on a list that will see you invited to parties and acknowledged in bars and restaurants across town.

Dennis Farina, the face of thousand bit parts, was about to pop in to have a drink with Molly. "You'll totally know who he is when you see him," she said to my vacant stare.

I didn't. The character actor of more than 65 movies is filming Poker Night with Lou Diamond Phillips and Judd Nelson. He was a new face to me and to not recognise someone as accomplished as he is a no-no in this town.

I desperately hoped the Ritchies would drop in again while I was there. But alas it always seemed to be "last night" when I was propped up at the bar, wide-eyed and eager to peruse some star candy.

Not to be daunted by the near misses of the previous evening, I grabbed a local map from the lobby the next morning and picked the brains of reception staff for the hottest spots to shop and eat. I set off for Rodeo Drive, passing people leaving day clinics with bandages across their noses.

Unlike most shopping areas anywhere else in the world where people blithely roam about hardly noticing those around them, Beverly Hills' shoppers look each other full in the face in the hopes they might also spot somebody famous. Even I was getting the once-over to see if I looked remotely like a celebrity.

Annoyingly the Jens and Bens of this world don't usually hang out on Wilshire Boulevard and, as I've already demonstrated, I'm not particularly au fait with the B and C listers who may have been out hoping to be recognised.

So after seeing one too many vanloads of tourists who had paid to be driven down Rodeo Drive looking for celebrities coming out of shops such as Versace or Bulgari, boredom overtook me and I decided to get in on the act.

You see, the trick is to appear famous and this is easily perfected. It's all about projecting an air of confidence. First, you can wear anything - the daggier the better, but it must be flung about your person in a deliberately nonchalant way.

Second, you'll need a pair of sunglasses and a good-sized handbag. And third, imagine big-sounding Ally McBeal music.

Wilshire Boulevard is lined with all the top department stores - Neiman Marcus, Barneys New York, Saks Fifth Ave - all stocked to the gunnels with frightfully expensive stock and heavily madeup shop assistants.

Barney Greengrass is the rooftop cafe at Barney's which, I was reliably informed, is the haunt of writers, directors and actors for lunch every day. Consequently their doors have welcomed more celebs than you or I will ever get a chance to emulate.

I went straight there for lunch and tried their signature smoked white fish on a bagel with a healthy smoothie and eavesdropped on those around me.

My waiter was also an actor, but could claim to at least playing a few roles, so I wiped the smirk off my face.

Finally, with lunch gone and still recognising no one, it was time to leave and try my own acting ability.

I took the lift to the ground floor and approached the doors at a busy stride. Tilting my head up just as I reached towards the door, with my handbag on my shoulder I swished my bum - just a little mind, you don't want to fall over.

The final effect was to push the door with one hand and drop my sunglasses on to my nose just as my foot hit the pavement. Then pivoting on the front foot, loud music ringing in my head, handbag squashed under my arm, I sashayed down Wilshire.

Suddenly it was not me seeking eye contact with every soul on the street, but behind my shades I could make out the stares of other celebrity watchers looking at me and trying to put a name to the face.

Even though Hollywood stars eluded me in Beverly Hills, I remained dedicated to my mission during the rest of my travels. And what do you know? Three weeks later, at the airport at Munich I was sitting at the internet kiosk next to Star Trek's Q, John de Lancie - my very own celebrity.

We chatted for ages about New Zealand, his family - even swapped email addresses. I was rapt. I didn't tell him I was a stalker.

* Megan Singleton flew courtesy of Lufthansa.

California travel vacations

GETTING THERE

Lufthansa offers daily services to LA in conjunction with Star Alliance Partners. Return airfares to Europe with a stop in LA start from $2299. Contact your travel agent.

WHERE TO STAY

Maison 140
140 South Lasky Drive, Beverly Hills
Ph: 001 310 281 4000

Rooms start from US$150 a night

CELEB SPOTTING

A good place to spy on celebrities is from Starbucks across the road from Maison 140. It sits diagonally opposite CAA which has a huge clientele of actors who are bound to be popping in to sign their lucrative contracts.