My holidays: Tom Binns

Comedian Tom Binns loves stand up paddle boarding in the Mediterranean. Photo / Supplied

British comedian Tom Binns shares his holiday memories.

What was your greatest holiday?

It's not strictly a holiday, but I pretended to be on holiday in New Zealand for a bread commercial. My brief was just to roam around New Zealand visiting the most scenic places and eating the best food in between two slices of white bread. It was the very definition of a trip of a lifetime. I didn't even have to put on my own suntan lotion. The makeup department took care of that.

And the worst?

A week in an all-inclusive family hotel in Tenerife. They were rebuilding. The meals that were all included were inedible and there was nowhere nearby to eat. The beer that came as part of the holiday was served in plastic thimbles. It was too cold to swim and the spare blankets smelled of bum.

If we bump into you on holiday, what are you most likely to be doing?

Not looking where I'm going? Just kidding. I love a stand up paddle board. Most of my holidays are spent in the Mediterranean, so it's the closest thing we've got to surfing. I love una cana (a small beer) and gambas a la plancha (grilled prawns) in a little shack at Sa Punta in a bay near Ibiza Town.

If we could teleport you to one place in New Zealand for a week-long holiday, where would it be?

I would steal your teleporter to make sure I go and revisit all the places I visited when I was selling bread but if it broke and I was stuck on Waiheke Island for a week you wouldn't hear me complaining.

How about for a dream holiday internationally?

I did a gig once in the Seychelles and I flew in and out from the UK so I never got a chance to look around and relax. That I'd like very much.

What's the dumbest thing you've done when travelling?

I bought a very fast sailing catamaran in Ibiza and decided to run it as a charter business even though I had no business experience, and couldn't sail or speak Spanish. And very few people go to Ibiza for the sailing. For the first years, if felt like the dumbest thing anyone could do. Eventually it became one the best decisions I've ever made, but it was touch and go.

What's the best travel tip you've been given?

Never make jokes about bombs when going through security - even if they are hilarious.

What was the most memorable meal you've had while travelling?

There's a fabulous restaurant near Santa Eularia in Ibiza called Casa Colonial. They do amazing red Thai curry with fillet steak and a green one with cod - take a friend, get them to order one; you order the other and share. They're amazing.

Favourite airport at which to land?

Geneva, because you can see the Swiss Alps as you come in. There's a great stand-up tour I do of the Alps, which has become one of the highlights of the year.

What's the next trip?

After the New Zealand International Comedy Festival I'm off to Edinburgh for the Fringe. It's the biggest ticketed event in the world next to the Olympics and the Fifa World Cup. It's one of my favourite times of the year. It's at the end of the Scottish summer, so the weather could do anything at any time of the day, often all at once. But it's great fun.

British comedian Tom Binns performs from May 5-9 at Q Theatre as part of the New Zealand International Comedy Festival.