KEY POINTS:
To not be a supporter is to not exist during the footie season, which runs roughly March to September. Now I am not one for rugby or football. In fact, shamefully, I have been known to ask for the cash instead when invited to an All Black game. I apologise to AB fans, in this, their big year, but despite my best efforts, the game bores me witless.
So, it was no surprise to those who know me, that I was not brimming with enthusiasm at the idea of going to an AFL game in Melbourne. But like a fly caught in the lights of the Melbourne Cricket Ground, off I toddled to my first game, following the masses.
Some time later, I emerged a convert, raving wildly about the game and the unbeatable atmosphere inside the stadium. Not only should you do this in Melbourne, it should be at the top of your list.
If the sight of near 100,000 painted-up fans doesn't up your heart rate, the sheer noise of them barracking for their teams will. Of about 20 national teams, 14 are Melbourne-based so the rivalry is hard and fast, much like the game itself.
In stark contrast to the hallowed fields of Mt Eden, the entrance to the stadium is seamless, fully automated and completely incident free, despite the crowds. We were all but escorted to our seats.
You do need to mentally prepare yourself as games can go on for about three hours. That's a very, very long time to be sitting, but I imagine it is even longer if you're galloping flat-out around the weirdly shaped pitch. Apparently, the game, which originated in 1858, was devised to keep cricketers slim and trim during the winter. It'd work _ I was advised, with some authority, that these poor sods run the equivalent of a marathon in every game. You will now understand why these men look so good even in their hot-pant/tight singlet uniform combos.
And despite the old saying that the first rule in Aussie Rules is there are no rules, there are, in fact, a few. The best idea is to take someone who knows and have them explain the rules before the game. The best man for the job would be a guide from Melbourne Sports Tours. Not only can they explain the game at a great pub on the river beforehand, they escort you there, whisper the rules in your ears when you need it, and best of all buy the beer and pies.
I am such a convert I even made a return visit for another game, without a guide. But I still don't care about rugby.
TIPS FOR GIRLS
Use the right lingo. It is not polite to ask someone what team they back. You barrack for your team, not support or cheer, or God forbid, root.
Show your colours. Face painting is normally required, but if you want to avoid ruining your makeup, wear a scarf or carry a flag. After the game, if your team has won, hang it out of the window of your car.
Baaaaallll! This the what the crowd roars en-masse when the ref penalises a player for holding the ball (or something). Feel free to join in, the louder the better.
Eat meat. This is one of the rare occasions when good manners dictate you must eat meat pies and drink beer. Have a coffee if you like but you will look like a w*****r.
Don't bother the boys. The rules are simple so playing dumb won't wash here. Read up before you go, or take the tour - www.melbournesportstours.com.au - AU$120 ($140) per person includes a meet and greet, seating, rule and guide book, and of course, a meat pie.
- Detours, HoS
