The Cavalli Islands sit in picturesque splendour behind Kauri Cliffs' 16th hole. Photo / Supplied
Kauri Cliffs may have one of the world’s top golf courses, but what makes it a winner is its beautiful setting, opulence and attentive and warm staff, writes Tim Roxborogh.
"Swoosh" without a "ping" is probably the worst sound a seriously average golfer can hear. The ball is still sitting patiently on the tee, my shoulder feels nearly dislocated, and I'm making the quick 360-degree checks to make sure nobody saw.
Uncertain I'd got away with it, I do the obligatory follow-up slow-motion air-swings to make the almighty miss look like an intentional practice swing.
I've never been much of a golfer, a point not lost on a work colleague whose pre-trip incredulity at my staying at Kauri Cliffs - not just one of the premier hotel retreats in the country, but home of one of the top 40 golf courses in the world - was not subtle.
"You know that's one of the best golf courses in the world don't you?" he said with the sort of look Ryan Adams must give when people request Summer of 69 at his concerts. "Yes I do and I can't wait to see it!"
And that was the truth. I may be a dreadful golfer - hence a solid 45 minutes trying to rectify things on the most stunning driving range I have ever seen - but there were clues Kauri Cliffs was about a whole lot more than golf.
Made up of 2428ha of land that contains several remote beaches, extensive bush walks and a main structure built to resemble a North Carolina mansion house, golf could even be relegated to being merely the icing on the cake.
The first impressions of Kauri Cliffs, at Matauri Bay, 3½ hours north of Auckland, leave you in little doubt as to how its reputation for beauty, luxury and service has reached an almost mythic level. It started with the voice on the intercom when I pulled up at the gate: "Is that you, Mr Roxborogh? Welcome!" I was surprised by how genuinely happy the staff seemed at my arrival.
Through the gate, it's a 1.5km drive past bush and farmland to the Lodge.
My breath was slowly taken away as the mansion, the manicured grounds and the ocean and islands behind revealed themselves.
Waiting for me on the steps of the Lodge was the guest relations officer, a chap in his early 70s named John, who welcomed me with a smile and handshake before insisting on unloading my bags from the car. The car was valet parked, my bags transported to my cottage and John took me inside to a chandeliered, artwork adorned, double fire-placed living room.
Welcome drink in hand, I tried to soak it in: the somehow homely opulence of the 15-year-old mansion, with its echoes of the decades-old exclusive properties in North Carolina where billionaire owner Julian Robertson hails from, the distant vision of the famed Hole in the Rock through the windows.
A curious feeling of being a conman came over me. Was I really worthy of staying here?
John, a former Kiwi diplomat who moved to Washington DC in the late 60s on a music scholarship, put me at ease. John acted as my guide whenever I wanted during my stay, but could also be be found playing tennis with A-list guests (like me he's more into tennis than golf), or playing on the Lodge's grand piano. A fascinating man and an asset to Kauri Cliffs.
John introduced me to the head chef, who in a very easy-going way managed to pry out my embarrassing under-enthusiasm for certain seafood.
I had no intention of making this known, but the Kauri Cliffs chefs passionately believe in menu flexibility and only cooking exactly what the guests like.
Not only that, you can dine whenever (and wherever) you choose. Dinner at midnight in the room of your choosing at the Lodge? As you wish. Midnight dining was less my plan than exploring the property, and indeed having a road trip through a chunk of Northland. But first, the room.
On the left after opening the door of my cottage is a marble bathroom with facing his and hers' vanities. To the right is a full walk-in closet just in case you're not into travelling light.
Next is the mini-bar - all snacks and drinks except spirits complimentary - and then the open-plan bedroom with living room and fireplace. Naturally, the bed is enormous, although blessedly without the over-pillowed hilarity of some.
As magnificent as all this was was, best of all was opening the door to the balcony.
Kauri Cliffs hugs a stretch of coastline that looks towards the staggeringly photogenic Cavalli Islands on the northwest and the Hole in the Rock and Russell in the east and south.
I was stationed in the cottage closest to the Lodge. Kauri Cliff has 22 guest suites, plus the two-bedroom owner's cottage. The late afternoon sun was giving the sea, not to mention the greens of the golf course, a mighty fine shimmer and sparkle. I was already running low on superlatives.
With the early winter sunset approaching, I had a quick look at the infinity pool and inside the spa (sauna, lap-pool, Jacuzzi and best of all, massage rooms that open on to a small dense totara forest) before taking John up on his suggestion of borrowing a golf buggy.
Too much fun. I mightn't be a golfer, but careering around as the cool blue sky slowly darkened on a course Golf Digest has rated the 39th best in the world was a thing of joy. Sealed paths link most of the course and I kept parking up and whipping out the camera for another snap and then carrying on, trying to savour what was before me.
Dinner that night was as delicious as it was quite unexpectedly funny. The dear Argentinian sommelier Valeria - a lady who is sweetly emotional and knowledgeable about wine pairings - mentioned in passing her love of the Bee Gees.
No one who knows me will believe that I didn't bring up the Gibb brothers first, but I am a life-long fan so this was quite the coincidence. Before I knew it, John proved he wasn't joking and ducked off to my room, grabbed my iPod and swapped out the classical background music for some early period Bee Gees. Both sommelier and guest were very happy.
Fine wine, a flexible menu of essentially all my favourite foods, the music of my heroes and staff like this?
Dining with chief operating officer Euan on my second night, I was struck by the tightrope Kauri Cliffs expertly walks between maintaining the highest standards of luxury and giving out a disarmingly unpretentious vibe from the staff.
Like all the staff I met during my stay, Euan turned out to be great fun. We both felt the need to burn some calories and set out to explore more of the estate's beach and bush.
The previous day had involved my wayward driving-range activity, a bush walk to the remote Waiaua Bay as well as an extended 4WD property tour with John. This included a visit to a 700-year old kauri (helicopter flights to the Waipoua Forest's Tane Mahuta are also available and strongly recommended) as well as the gorgeous Pink Beach, where the turquoise purity of the water is offset by the colour of the shells.
Late checkout offered and accepted, I spent several hours of my third day with Euan getting to the Kauri Cliffs waterfall and doing another bush and beach walk.
The waterfall was substantial and would be perfect for jumping from in summer - if the occasional eel doesn't frighten you.
As for the beach, Takou is a flat, compacted-sand beauty that's crying out for beach cricket. "Consistent bounce on this surface," I told Euan, a Scotsman by way of Cambridge, Chicago and California who's new to New Zealand.
The walk back took us through farmland, bush, over picturesque bridges, past several holes of the golf course and back to the Lodge.
I returned to my room to pack and after checking out walked to my awaiting car.
On the passenger seat I discovered a brown paper bag with chicken sandwiches and fruit, ready for the drive home to Auckland. The staff remembered I hadn't eaten all my tomatoes at breakfast and, without any discussion, left those out of the sandwiches. Kauri Cliffs is about so much more than golf.
Kauri Cliffs is offering a New Zealand Residents' Winter Special Offer, available until September 30, 2015. Starting from $725 + GST per person twin-share, the package includes accommodation, your choice of either a day of unlimited green fees OR a 50-minute massage per person per night stayed, pre-dinner drinks and canapes, gourmet dinner, full breakfast, complimentary non-alcoholic mini bar and use of all lodge facilities.
The writer was hosted by Kauri Cliffs.
Three ocean swims over three days? How hard could it be?