Kiwi comedian Alice Snedden's travel hits and misses

Kiwi comedian Alice Snedden on a recent New York trip... wishing she was still on the plane. Picture / Supplied

HIT:
My favourite part of travel is always the flying. I know it's absurd to most rational people, but to me, the thought of getting to sit down and watch movies, undisturbed for 12 hours, is heaven.

Now as an adult, I curse myself if I ever fall asleep on a plane. It's an embarrassing waste of an opportunity. I'm never afraid of a plane going down, because I honestly think, if I had to die, doing it while I'm watching the newest release that I haven't had time to see in the cinema, is the way to go.

It makes sense then that my best travel memory is when I was 7 years old. The airplane seat felt like a throne, the orange juice felt like it was on tap and I watched Mr Bean for 12 hours. When we finally landed in LA I was disappointed that the holiday was over and now I had to start sightseeing.

We got through customs and a family friend of a friend picked us up at the airport in a blue convertible. I'll never forget driving through LA that day, how it was easily the coolest thing I've ever done and how badly I wished I was just still watching TV on a plane.

MISS:
When I was 24 I travelling by myself in South East Asia and hoping to save money on a flight, I booked a bus ticket to travel over the Laos/Vietnam border. The bus left at 2.20am, which is in my opinion the best time for buses to leave. That night, as ordered, I met a stranger at 1am, jumped in the back of his pick-up and drove in pitch black for an hour to the "bus stop" — a bus stop that was so well disguised, it looked just like a piece of road in the middle of nowhere with nothing around. By this stage, I did wonder if maybe I was going to get murdered. I decided I wouldn't run, as I was tired and a nap that lasted forever sounded okay.

Eventually a bus arrived. The driver looked awake, which already exceeded my expectations. He was taking hits from a huge bong that reached down to the floor. Not wanting to jump to any conclusions about how that would affect his driving, I boarded. The bus was full, so there was some commotion while a bed was cleared for me. We eventually took off, before pulling over an hour or so later to pick up approximately 40 more people who slept the 13 hour drive in the aisles of the bus, using my body as their cushion.

As the bus drove around the hills between Laos and Vietnam, it lent around corners the same way a boat keels in the ocean. I'd often find myself looking out the window right down the face of a cliff. It was a true bonding experience between me and the threat of certain death.

Eventually we reached the border where we were detained for several hours as it was revealed the bus driver was smuggling hundreds of live chickens in the hull of the bus. I saved $79, which I later spent on a dress I've since decided I don't like.

Alice Snedden is one of the comedians on the bill of Another Frickin Festival, touring Auckland, Queenstown and Wellington, February 8-11.