KEY POINTS:
It is an ironclad law of the universe that if I join a queue in a supermarket, theatre or, especially, an airport, it will immediately stop moving.
The security screening queues will all be flowing smoothly until I choose one to join - at which point some turkey
in that particular queue will persist in walking through the metal detector with keys in an inside pocket, or belatedly realise that it's necessary to remove a laptop from inside the triple-locked suitcase so it can be checked, or get into an argument about whether nail scissors are an offensive weapon.
It's not that I mind waiting while this happens, you understand, it's the fact that I feel guilty about being responsible for holding up the others in the queue.
I've often thought of apologising, and suggesting they move to another line, but I'm nervous about setting off an outburst of queue-rage.
Hence it is with great trepidation that I look ahead to March 31, when new security rules will come into force about what liquids, gels and creams you're allowed to take on board aircraft.
These requirements will open up untold opportunities for delays and I fear that the people held up as a result of me joining their queue could become violent.
So it is with considerable feeling that I'd like to make a plea to anyone out there who is planning to make an international flight after that date: please, please find out about the rules before you go to the airport and make sure you comply.
Otherwise, the result is likely to be confusion, delays and ill-feeling, all of it unnecessary - and some of it directed at me.
Unfortunately, New Zealanders don't have a very good track record of taking notice of such requirements.
Bans on sharp-pointed objects started to be put in place in the wake of the terrorist attacks of September 11, and in the initial months security staff confiscated bin-loads of pocketknives, scissors and nailfiles from peeved passengers.
Stewart Milne, executive director of the Board of Airline Representatives in New Zealand, reckons it took two years for passengers to really get used to that set of restrictions.
And when the rules on liquids were introduced just for flights from Auckland to North America six months ago, the confusion was much worse.
"The result was chaos," says Milne bluntly. From just three flights a night they were confiscating seven wheelie bins of liquids and gels and there were some very, very upset passengers.
"It took twice as long to process one passenger, so even with extra staff dealing with those flights there were significant delays."
With those same rules about to be applied to all international flights, it's easy to understand that the aviation industry is nervous.
All of a sudden people will find that things they are used to taking with them on a plane - stuff as harmless as water bottles, baby food, medicines, sunscreen, lip-salve, insect repellent and toothpaste - are now regarded as dangerous.
It may seem ridiculous but, as Mark Everitt, general manager of the Aviation Security Service points out, these rules apply worldwide and if we don't align ourselves with them "flights from New Zealand would not be allowed to land in Australia after March 31. It's as simple as that."
The industry is doing its best to ensure that passengers know what to expect.
The Ministry of Transport has printed 700,000 copies of a leaflet explaining the rules, and travel agents and airlines will hand them to customers when they book.
Efforts are being made to contact passengers who have already booked but will be flying after March 31.
Travel websites are doing their best to see that customers who book on the internet know about the rules.
Anyone who gets to the airport without knowing about the requirements will see posters and pamphlets telling them what to do.
In the check-in area - the last opportunity for restricted items to be transferred into checked-in luggage - aviation security and check-in staff will advise passengers what they are allowed to have in their carry-on bags.
Upstairs at Auckland International Airport, in front of the entry to the departure area, staff at an information point will ensure passengers do not proceed until they comply with the rules.
In the departure area, the Aviation Security Service will have extra officers doing the screening in the hope of avoiding delays. The service warns that anyone who tries to break the rules will be dealt with firmly.
"Our intention is to remove these people from the screening lines and manage them separately," says Everitt.
Anyone who continues to argue may miss their flight. "We will not allow these passengers to delay those who do comply, and I'm sure the airlines would not take kindly to having their flights delayed either."
So, if you want to avoid the risk of missing your flight, I have two tips:
* Check the new rules beforehand and pack accordingly.
* Don't get in the same queue as I do, because while I'll have done my best to comply you can bet that someone in front won't.
FOLLOW THE RULES AND AIR TRAVEL WILL BE A BREEZE
To minimise delays at the airport note the following advice:
* Before your journey check the rules with your airline, travel agent or at www.flysmart.govt.nz .
* From March 31 there will be restrictions on carrying in hand-luggage any liquids, aerosols and gels (including makeup, moisturiser, antiperspirant and shaving foam), jams, sauces, soups and drinks, medicines, dietary supplements, antiseptics and baby formula.
* The only liquids in hand-luggage should be those needed on the flight. The rest should go into checked-in luggage.
* Liquids taken on the aircraft must not exceed 100ml for each item and should be carried in a transparent, resealable bag measuring 20cm by 20cm or 25cm by 15cm. Medicines and baby foods are exempted from the size limit but should not be more than is reasonably needed on the flight.
* If you start your journey at a regional airport, and check your bags through to an international destination, remember that will be your last opportunity to take restricted materials out of your carry-on luggage and put them into your checked-in baggage.
* It will still be possible to buy duty-free after going through the security screening for point-to-point flights, but any passengers whose journey requires them to transit or transfer en route will find duty-free and other restricted items confiscated at the screening points at the airports where that happens. And at some destinations duty-free may be seized on arrival.
* Have the plastic bag of liquids, plus any medication or baby foods, readily available for checking.
* Remove electronic items such as mobile phones and laptop computers from hand baggage, and take off any bulky outer garments so they can be screened separately.
* If you're buying duty-free, check the rules at your destination.
