How to comfort a nervous flier, according to a nervous flier

OPINION:

While I love to travel, there’s something very uncanny about the act of flying my brain can’t seem to process.

As the plane leaves the ground, I can’t help but imagine the space between my feet and the ground below widening to epic, horrific proportions. The lifting sensation in the air makes my stomach drop, the engine rumbling makes my palms sweat and the tilting of the plane makes me feel dizzy. I’ll do breathing exercises, blast loud music or, when I’m feeling really panicked, cling on to my travel companion to convince myself everything is okay.

While the experience of flying is stomach-churning enough, occasionally I’ll be travelling with someone who thinks my panicked reaction is hilarious. While I understand that the statistical safety ratings of flying are sky high and it’s likely I’m not in any actual danger, the jokey comments really can make the feeling much worse – pairing embarrassment with fear doesn’t exactly de-escalate a situation.

If you do find yourself travelling with someone who, like me, struggles to switch their brain off while flying, here are a few ways you can help to them calm down.

Talk about literally anything but flying

When I’m flying, I become hyperaware of every sound aboard the aircraft. Every ding and thump can stir a little more agitation and send my mind into chaotic exaggerations. I always find it helpful when someone launches into a discussion that requires focus. Sure, it can be a really grounded catch-up about what we’ve been up to or what we might do once we land at our destination of choice. However, sometimes it’s even better when it’s a spirited discussion about something silly and non-consequential. I’ve been effectively distracted by chats about the best bag of chips, most charismatic Wiggle, worst Met Gala outfits and highly specific desert island disc ruminations (top 5 songs with the word ‘boogie’?). A good conversation could help to pull focus away from the environment and keep someone feeling a bit calmer.

Bring along a game

This tactic is another handy distraction that might help to reset someone’s focus. Packing a deck of cards, Rubik’s cube or other handheld games draws the attention away from the surroundings down to someone’s hands. It also demands focus and might be especially effective for someone who’s a little more competitive (my desire to win sometimes overrules my capability to feel the nerves altogether).

Distracting a nervous flier from their surroundings may help them to find a moment of calm.

Help them find some physical comfort

While air travel is notoriously uncomfortable, it’s likely your nervous loved one has a preference for where and how they like to sit. For some reason, I find quite a bit of comfort in sitting in the middle seat and often like to hold someone’s arm or hand. My loved ones are quick to offer a shoulder if I’m feeling really overwhelmed, and that often helps to quell some of the nervousness. This might look quite different for everyone – some people might want to curl up, try to go to sleep, or truly zone out with noise-cancelling headphones and no touch whatsoever. Helping them find their comfort will likely reduce their overall stress.

Find distractions before you board

Sometimes, standing in an airport queue for too long can be the perfect environment for increasing someone’s anxiety; there’s too much time to think, huge windows showing planes coming and going and people making very loud sudden noises. If you notice someone’s getting more tense, it might be worth grabbing a magazine or book from the airport shop. They should function as a distraction and draw attention away from the stressful vibes that seem to bounce off the airport walls.

Ask about what they need

Ultimately, every nervous flier will have their own way of dealing with things, so it’s best to follow their lead. Your genuine support may not dissuade all of their fears, but it’s likely a big help to know you’re there, without judgement, to hold their (shaking) hand.

Got any tips as a nervous flier? Let us know at travel@nzherald.co.nz