KEY POINTS:
Standing on the tee looking towards the 15th hole is enough to make the hair stand up on the back of the neck of all but the finest golfers.
The entire left-hand side is a sheer white cliff which falls 140m to the turbulent blue waters of Hawkes Bay. The right-hand side is a mere 20m drop into a beautiful stand of native bush. Between them the fairway is a 594m-long ribbon of well groomed grass leading to the green.
This is the appropriately named Pirates Plank, signature hole at Cape Kidnappers, which is ranked as the 10th best golf course outside of the United States by Golf Digest magazine.
It's a stunning, intimidating hole. Stray just a little on your first, second or even third shots and you can kiss goodbye to your ball. And you would have to be barking mad or supremely good to take the driver out of your bag.
As a mere mortal I decided to play a nice little 3 wood down the middle/left side and followed with another 3 wood to get within striking distance of the green.
So far, so good, but I put my third into the rough behind the green, chipped to within six metres of the hole and then three-putted, for a double bogey. Still, at least I didn't lose any balls to the sharks waiting below.
The 15th may be a longish hole but it's far from providing the longest drive. You find that just inside the unassuming main gate to Cape Kidnappers. From there it's a spectacular 10km drive to the lodge, called The Farm, which sits atop a ridge with magnificent views of the Hawkes Bay.
The Farm is the focal point of a resort owned and developed by Julian and Josie Robertson - Julian being a Wall Street hedge fund legend - which like its sister property, Kauri Cliffs in the Bay of Islands, sports an 18-hole golf course consistently ranked among the best in the world.
The unassuming name of the lodge is in total contrast to its facilities. Clearly no expense has been spared to create the luxury, high country decor, with photographs of sheep and farm animals adorning the walls, along with artworks by a bloke called Colin McCahon. Deer antlers crafted into a chandelier hang from the roof in the centre of the lounge, and the huge fireplace is flanked by lounge suites with leather chairs which invite you to surrender to their comfort with a nice wine or beer.
The dining area has tables both indoors and semi-outside, with expansive views of Hawkes Bay and an ever-changing menu featuring the likes of quail and pheasant, while downstairs there's a wine tasting cave.
The spa - presumably to appease golfing widows - sits above the lodge and soon proves its worth as Phoebe, my wife, is treated to an earth stone massage, where heated stones are placed on your back and then followed by a vigorous massage.
Our suite is roomy, light and nicely decorated, with more farm animal photos on the walls and an artistic display of old metal tractor seats.
But as I cast my eyes over The Farm, the only animal here that catches my eye is a 6533m long beast which disguises itself as a golf course. Just a hint of its lush green fairways are visible from the Lodge but enough to make me want a sneak preview before the game the next day. "Honey, I'm just going for a quick look down the golf course. Won't be long."
In my absence Phoebe relaxes in the large, luxurious bath and then watches March of the Penguins. So much for the quick look, she says on my return.
Next day Cape Kidnappers was blessed by perfect sunny weather with just a light breeze, which is just as well, because it is evidently a brute of a course when the wind blows.
Standing on the first tee, a 402m par 4, I try to remember all the tips Cape Kidnappers head golf professional Jeremy Carlsen has given me about my swing and the golf course. Hoping my golfing planets are aligned, I let rip, hitting the ball with left to right flight, and it comes to rest on the fairway 120m out from the green, perfectly placed for the approach shot.
Unfortunately, I then wasted all the good work by 3-putting for a bogey. Normally a good putter, I found the greens here demanding. Even on a straight, the grain in the grass can push the ball offline, so local knowledge is helpful.
Cape Kidnappers is a true test for every club in the bag. With generous fairways off the tee, that sets you up for a difficult approach into the green, which is usually protected by bunkers, of which I found more than my fair share.
There are so many stunning holes - in fact 18 of them - and they are all world class. Often you find yourself standing on the tee and forgetting to play your shot because you're marvelling at the 360 degree views of the Hawkes Bay.
Still, I ended up with an 83, promoting Carlsen to comment, "You've got to be happy with that, first time at Kidnappers." I was. And so was Phoebe who was happy keeping me company during my round of golf (unheard of), though her interest was in the remarkable surrounds not my golfing prowess.
As we drove back to Auckland we passed a road sign which read, "Heaven Road, no exit" and I thought to myself ... if my time was up, I would gladly play out my days on the perfectly groomed fairways of Cape Kidnappers ... that would be Heaven.
GETTING THERE: Both Cape Kidnappers and its sister property Kauri Cliffs are offering a special winter deal for New Zealand residents valid July 1 to 30 September.
The special rate of $625 per person a night for Sunday to Thursday or $675 for Friday and Saturday (based on twin-share or double occupancy) includes a day of unlimited golf or a 50-minute massage of your choice for every night you stay, accommodation in a luxurious suite, cocktail hour, a gourmet dinner, full breakfast and the use of all the facilities.
Kauri Cliffs also has a special food and wine weekend, August 22-24. Price is $3300 a couple plus GST.
CONTACT: For further details regarding Cape Kidnappers phone (06) 875 1900 or visit www.capekidnappers.com. For Kauri Cliffs phone (09) 407 0010 or visit www.kauricliffs.com.
