You know you're heading into South Westland when the sign reads: "Runaway vehicle ramp 500m". It's that steep because you're about to thread the needle at the Gates of Haast, a spectacular bolthole across the Southern Alps, thundering rapids, and a great steel bridge that takes you down to the coast.
The next time you're hitting the brakes it's on a flat strip of tussock and grassland at Haast. At first it appears featureless, the sea is just a salt haze above the horizon and the buildings blend with the brown.
For most travellers, Haast is a stopover on the way to the glacier region north or to Wanaka, back the way you've come. They've only had a road through to the place in the past 40 years so it's natural the area is a bit off people's radars.
But for at least a couple of days there's plenty to see and be thrilled about.
First stop has to be the Department of Conservation's rather grand Haast Visitor Centre. It's the sort of Government building that looks like it was designed by benevolent architects with a green streak. The reason to visit is that it has a decent walk-through area full of diaramas and exhibits pointing out the natural wonders of the region.
And it sells the most important item you can buy on the West Coast - insect repellent.
The sandflies are savage. Open car doors for the shortest time possible otherwise they'll bludge a lift in a great swarm on the windscreen.
Once you've schooled yourself on where to go and how to get there, it's out the door and into the great outdoors. A great way to spend a morning is to head for Jackson Bay. It's a 40-minute cruise through great thickets of kahikitea, southern rata and rimu rainforest, all growing right to the edge of the road and past more quaint signage: "Caution. Penguins crossing next 5km."
First layby is the miniature horses of Haast Beach, and you'll be made all the more welcome if you have a bag of carrots in hand.
It's an eccentric bunch that canters over to the fence. They probably give thanks every day that they haven't been carted off to perform in some travelling circus and can just graze away in this beautifully quiet corner of the world.
They are miniature in every aspect except one. Do all horses have the same size teeth?
Never mind. They have good table manners, dexterous snouts, and they keep their dental work well back.
Further down the road at Okuru is one of the earliest areas of European settlement and it's worth taking a stroll through the cemetery, tucked into a forest glade.
If you believe the locals, the place is renowned for turning on a majestic kind of beam from the gods as you walk in. You have to appreciate that this area has been the better of many a hardy soul.
There's a ghostly atmosphere to the coast, stirred by the mist and dearly departed - either heavenwards or on the Road Services bus to Christchurch.
There are plenty of walks off the main road, a favourite is the three-hour return Cascades trek, which begins at the south end of the Arawata River bridge. This takes you into the heart of what will become one of the great ecotourism destinations, the World Heritage Park.
Jackson Bay pops into view just around lunchtime, which is handy because in this end-of-the-road, can't-go-any-further-south fishing village sits the Cray Pot cafe, a piscine piecart.
It becomes a source of wonder after hanging out in Jackson Bay how anyone managed to make a go of it here. But they did. Back in 1875 nearly 400 assisted migrants from Europe and Britain came ashore with the intention of starting a farming settlement.
It lasted three years before the rain-rotted crops - and no doubt the sandflies - became too much.
Nowhere on the West Coast is there a better monument to how hard it is to make a go of it here. And how people dream. Just by the road is a DoC lean-to with displays of the original plans for the proposed town of Arawata, with its High Street and parcel-size lots. And then take a look at the dense bush, steep hills and gullies and go figure.
If Jackson Bay seems like a trip back in time, there's plenty in the present on the return drive. Neils Beach has a resident pod of dolphins which can be seen from the dunes on an overcast day. And there's a neat walk at Hapuku Creek to the estuary.
Of course it is not all self-starting stuff around here. There are plenty of tourism operators in the area to show you around and crank up the thrill factor. Haast River Safari's steel-bottomed boats make a great afternoon's adventure.
It's a pleasant cruise/exhilarating thrash kind of tour up the far reaches of the Haast River. Nice to have a couple of Chevy V8s in the stern when you're jetting in barely knee-deep glacial water or pulling a couple of spins. Nice to have no throttle when you drift with the current home and soak in the immensity of sheer mountains at either side.
It's salmon-fishing heaven here and guides will take you for a day's fishing up the Turnbull River for $150 or down to the sea for blue cod and kahawai.
There's plenty of action in the sky as well. April is rutting season - the roar, as it is called. Hunters gathering. Choppers working full time flying people into the mountains to shoot deer with a rifle or camera - which sums up Haast pretty well. It's a place that provides equally to those on both sides of the nature trail.
* Andy Hay was a guest of McGuires Lodge.
Where to stay
Haast has a good range of accommodation, including the World Heritage Park Motel, the Erewhon Motel, a boutique place at Okuru and backpackers, too.
I stayed at McGuires Lodge on State Highway 6. This is a 19-room property right next to Haast River Safari and a short walk to the visitor centre.
Hosts Sharleen and Dennis Flannery are Central Otago deer farmers who bought the lease to the lodge three years ago. They have a couple of red deer fenced off at the front so that you can get a good close look at those antlers.
Sharleen and Dennis have been on-site managers since last September. They are good hosts and good fun. The rooms are modern and comfortable. There is no self-catering.
Tariffs range from $80 to $195 for a double room, depending on the season.
You pay about $25 for a well-cooked main in the restaurant and they have a good wine list. There's a big modern lounge with a large open fire.
The bar's a great place to hang out and the only place, really, if you're a smoker. Access for the disabled is good.
Go wild out west in the Haast
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