3. Whitianga Scallop Festival
The Esplanade, Whitianga, September 6. 0800 BUY TIX (289 849).
Not whacky, just wonderful. Our favourite seafood event shows more than 60 stands turning out mouthwatering variations on scallops (try 'em all).
Entertainment, cooking demos from Josh, Ray and Julie. Ten years old and just getting better.
4. The New Zealand Burlesque Festival
Palmerston North, October 9 - 11
Who knew Palmy had it in her, hosting three days of, of all things, burlesque, with three power-packed shows, workshops for the curious and the experienced, and an expo. Headliners include Miss Exotic World, the Golden Garter awards. Categories include best boobs, best derriere, favourite pasties, Show Floozie and Most Likely to Accept Someone Else's Award. Don't miss it.