Helen van Berkel flies on United Flight 2044, Newark, New York to Houston, Texas.
The airport experience: No Wi-Fi and the toilets were distressingly far and few between. iPads and charging points were provided.
The plane: B777-200
On time: "We are having technical difficulties — fingers crossed." Not great wordsto hear from the pilot. Please have a plan that involves more than crossing fingers. Turns out they did: the "stuck chair" was fixed and we were nearly an hour late leaving.
Taking off: Boarding was chaos. Seats had been double-booked, someone refused to move, someone else was angry about the baby, the attendants lost patience. And we hadn't even left yet.
Fellow passengers: More than the usual complement of idiots. When the attendants say "sit down", sit the f*** down — how Idiot Two Rows Back even managed to stand as that thrust of power headed to the engines is a mystery. Behind me sat a pair of kvetching foul-mothed New Yorkers who spent most of the flight demanding "noxious humans" to control their bodily functions (presumably directed at the baby) and the rest quarrelling nasally among themselves.
Food: A small bag of mini pretzels and juice served without a smile.
Entertainment: A good selection of more than 300 movies. Cameron Diaz playing the usual somewhat ditzy unlucky-in-love character Cameron Diaz plays kept me mildly entertained. Until the system crashed. Twice. And we hadn't even left yet. Then the flight information graphic inexplicably turned to Spanish.
