Flying from Auckland to Wellington with Air New Zealand

Air New Zealand safety video. Photo / Air New Zealand

After a week in Melbourne, Morgan Godfery, flies home via NZ429 from Auckland to Wellington.

The plane: We lucked out here, flying a domestic route on an Air New Zealand transtasman Airbus A320. This meant no leather chairs but it did mean the entertainment system.

Price: $181 (booked at the last minute, hence the steeper-than-usual price).

Flight time: This is the last leg home after Melbourne Cup week, and I'm the walking dead. I'm carrying home a hangover and an overdraft. I want nothing more than a quick flight home, so naturally the flight is delayed.

My seat: Originally 6B, but the closer to the door I could get, the better, ending up in 3C.

Fellow passengers: My buddy in 3B was a chartered accountant. I should have asked him what to do about that overdraft.

How full: Mostly full.

Entertainment: In a transtasman A320 the entertainment system is burrowed in the seatback. This is nice if you want to catch an episode of, say, Modern Family on the quick hop between Auckland and Wellington. Otherwise it's hell. Four excruciating minutes in the infernus, the latest Air New Zealand safety video playing across 168 screens. "It's Kiwaaaaaaaaaaaaay", is ringing in my eyes. The video is 90s-themed, but it better resembles a 2018 YouTube track, using super-quick cutaways to make up for flat verses (quick cutaways give the illusion of a high-energy track). The chartered accountant in 3B is shifting in his seat. It's about as charming as a chatter ring, he reckons. The flight crew are almost apologetic, explaining that subtitles will help passengers decode the lyrics. If the plane went down — and half of the passengers are hoping it will at this point — none of us would have any clue what to do.

The service: Outstanding, as always. Perhaps the crew felt sorry for forcing us through the safety briefing.

Food and drink: The usual on Auckland-to-Wellington offerings.

The toilets: Clean and functioning.

Luggage: One bag. Noticeably with no race winnings.

The airport experience: Excellent. Airport security were efficient and the Koru Lounge in the domestic terminal was, contrary to recent reports, quiet.

The bottom line: Air New Zealand is rightly proud of its innovation — from its Business Class seats to its Skycouch — and the airline's crew are uniformly excellent. But that safety video ... It has to go.