I'm not going to lie. Of course I went to Melbourne to go shopping. The nice man who let me back into the country with an overweight suitcase can vouch for that.
But you don't want to spend an entire weekend trawling through the winter sales. The reason for buying new threads, after all, is there are so many fabulous places to wear them.
Simply head out on foot and explore the city's maze of narrow, paved alleyways and you're guaranteed to find great food, coffee and atmosphere. Need a more tangible excuse? Then book your tickets for The Lion King on Friday night and check out the Dutch Masters exhibition on Saturday. They're only temporary cultural experiences - one Disney, the other fine art - but they will nicely break up the time between fashion boutiques.
The dazzling Lion King stage show recently finished a successful run in Sydney with Jay Laga'aia in the lead role, before heading to Melbourne with American athlete Geno Segers as Mufasa.
It's not just the talent, Elton John and Tim Rice's score nor the heart-warming story that gave me warm fuzzies. It's Julie Taymor's awe-inspiring set and costume design: the sheet of fabric that mysteriously disappeared through a hole in the stage floor like water evaporating, the troupe of performers whose tussocky headgear appears as grass dancing in the wind, the pools of light that make stars or deep pools of water magically appear.
Even from the cheap seats at the back you'll have no trouble catching the action.
The Dutch Masters exhibition at the NGV International Gallery is also worth seeing. A friend warned me about Dutch painters, sniggering that the subjects of the paintings were, well, no oil paintings. The themes are not what you'd call beautiful, either.
Of the more famous images is Pieter de Hooch's depiction of a mother delousing her child's hair, and Jan Steen's charming Woman at her Toilet. But it's a comprehensive history lesson featuring more than 100 of the 17th century's greatest paintings, by artists including Rembrandt, Vermeer and Hals.
A European art experience suits Melbourne. The quaint area of Desgraves St, between Flinders St and Flinders Lane, is a Parisian-style lane devoted to cafe-goers, and you don't need to wander far for a beautiful Spanish lunch. Try Movida de Tapas.
Discovering the nightlife, on the other hand, isn't quite so easy for starters - you don't want to go snooping curiously down dark alleys on your own.
We quickly discover that it's not enough for Melbourne bars to have plush interiors - they must have a blatant style.
We start at Phoenix, a casual leopard-print-carpeted bar near office blocks, then move on to Bambu, the swankier retreat for the corporate types who relax in its lush, zen interior on Flinders Lane. But our most intriguing find is Honkytonks, one of Melbourne's trendier, rock'n'roll joints.
A psychedelic mishmash of styles, it's all tartan carpet, peacocks and mirror balls and subversive images of George W. Bush in various states of women's dress. Even getting there is a bit of a trip: walk down a poster-lined, graffitied alleyway, past a row of rubbish bins and into a crusty stairwell.
Dinner isn't such a pot luck experience, and it needn't be an expensive one either.
We head to Southbank, where a strip of restaurants are lined romantically along the Yarra River, and try risotto specialists Tutto Bene. Though inexpensive, we eat like kings. The most delicious part of the meal was the parmigiana reggiano (cheese) dipped in reduced balsamic vinegar.
Culture boffins will also find plenty to do in Brunswick St, Fitzroy, a bustling, beatnik strip reminiscent of San Francisco's Haight-Ashbury.
The mood here is free-spirited, punky and young, much like the weirdos you will inevitably see stumbling home from the night before.
Numerous funky cafes, second-hand furniture stores, book stores and magazine shops will satisfy the anarchist, conspiracy theorist or pop-culture fiend. I settle for a Jack Kerouac novel.
At night you can have a more upmarket experience. Polly's, for instance, has a plush, red-velvet interior and a sexy cocktail menu. Interlude is fine-dining for those with an adventurous palate and plenty of time.
Quail, truffles and wagyu beef are there; the beef comes with a humorous concoction of hamburger flavours. Of course, none of this culture is good for my shopping. I swear that none of my new clothes fit as well as they did in the shop.
* Rebecca Barry was guest of the Sofitel and Langham hotels in Melbourne.
Experiencing the sights and sounds of Melbourne
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