Roger Spragg finds an unusual way to curb his enthusiasm for on-board cuisine.
My first thought after we decided that we would take a 31-day cruise to Alaska was how I was going to avoid eating myself to death. A couple of years ago, on a five-day cruise round the Greek Islands, I gained 3kg. At the end of this one, they are going to have to offload me with a fork hoist, I complained.
My wife Hope suggested I could try a little restraint. Perhaps I could have the full cooked breakfast only on shore days, for example, when we'd need the energy to tour around.
You might as well take your labrador into a Mad Butcher's store and say to it: "We'll be gone for a while, be a good dog and don't eat too much." My appetite is legendary. When friends invite us over they are prone to make hurtful remarks such as: "Don't worry, we baked extra when we knew Roger was coming."
Food aboard the Emerald Princess. Photo/ Roger Spragg
My anxiety increased when the last email from the ship before we boarded in Auckland, under the title "Helpful information on embarkation day", reassured us that shortly after boarding we were welcome to dine at the Horizon Court or in one of ship's multiple dining rooms. In fact, the Emerald Princess has two cafeteria-style dining courts, three general dining rooms, an English-style gastro pub, two specialist restaurants, a wine bar serving sushi and tapas, a hamburger bar, a 24-hour international cafe and a pizzeria and ice cream bar - not to mention 24-hour room service.
Early in the voyage, during one of the captain's noon announcements detailing current position, distance sailed and predicted weather and sea conditions, he added a little item about how much diesel fuel (the ship's biggest single cost on a voyage) was required for our cruise. Fascinating though that snippet was, I began to wonder about the logistics involved in feeding more than 3000 passengers and 1100 crew on a cruise.
Quite apart from the passengers' menus, the crew of up to 26 different nationalities eat in three separate dining messes which must cater to broad ethnic food requirements.
Food aboard the Emerald Princess. Photo/ Roger Spragg
The Emerald's food and beverage manager, Joao Varandas, gave me some answers. A weekly average of 85 tons of food and 20 tons of beverages is consumed. Five tons of flour alone is used each week for the bread and fancy items which are baked three times a day. For a seven-day cruise, around 15 tons of fresh fruit and vegetables are loaded and, for longer voyages, similar quantities are taken on at designated ports. Fresh water tanks are supplemented by the ship's condensers and desalination system.
Nine dedicated kitchens on board are staffed by 170 cooks and 60 cleaners. Along with waiting staff, a grand total of 515 crew members are involved in the onboard dining experience. Menus are dictated by length of voyage, age and ethnicity of passengers and areas being cruised. A trip through one of the vast stainless steel galleys gave some idea of the industrial scale of the enterprise.
Soft food waste is put through chopping blades and goes into holding tanks to be treated with chemicals which make it environmentally safe to discharge at sea. Hard food waste is off-loaded in port, along with all recyclable material.
We found the food variety and quality outstanding and the Horizon Court became our go to place for most meals. Here, in the buffet setting, the ship's cooks provided a constantly changing variety of food with themes such as Bavarian night, Italian and French menus, Thai, Chinese and Japanese-influenced offerings as well as the standard fare expected by the mainly American, European and Asian passengers.
When it came to the dessert section, cakes and puddings were positioned opposite the fresh fruit display. Time and again I would pause, like Good Cop/Bad Cop in the Lego Movie, my head spinning one side to the other as I agonised over choice. I usually failed to avoid the creamy delights, but piled on a good portion of fruit, too, in a lame attempt to limit calorific damage.
Food aboard the Emerald Princess. Photo/ Roger Spragg
Fifteen or so days into the trip and, despite numerous trips to the gym and power walks around the promenade deck, my waistline was beginning to burgeon. Then fate stepped in. Hurrying up an outside stairway in my sandals, I stubbed a big toe against the front of a metal step. Within hours it was almost too swollen and painful to walk on.
I could have retreated to my cabin and had our obliging steward Dusit bring me sustenance, but even I knew when I was being thrown a lifeline. Besides, several days of two codeine four times a day had taken the edge off my appetite. I limped up to Deck 15 and the Horizon Court for main meals only, ate modestly for a change, and within days I'd won the battle of the bulge, or at least halted it.
Back in Auckland, I found I had put on three kilos - not good, I know, but a far better outcome than it could have been, thanks to nature's curve ball. Will we cruise again?
Absolutely, though I'll try not to fall into the trap of visiting the food court six times a day on sea days. Oh, and I may keep my trainers on when I'm not in the pool.
