I lived in London for 12 years and now, after three years back in New Zealand, the place is still very much in my bones. My husband hails from East London, my mum is a Geordie, and the capital is home to so many important friendships that I forged in my 20s and 30s. To say I miss the place is a vast understatement.
Since we left three years ago, we have missed so many events, big and small life happenings that hurt my heart not to be part of. In the three years since we left, my beloved cousin got married, my father-in-law developed and thankfully fought off cancer, my nephew has become a champion cyclist, my friends have bought flats, had babies and been through break-ups. All the tiny triumphs and disappointments of life, and it's been gutting to miss them all.
Our neighbourhood there is quickly gentrifying and I'm desperate to walk through our local village again and see what's new – the haberdasheries are closing down, the sourdough pizzerias are taking over. Local pubs have been converted to trendy tea cafes and back again, and estate agents now line the high street. London is not where I'd have wanted to be in the past year and a half, but seeing photos of friends enjoying pints in the beer gardens and picnicking in the parks give me a feeling of homesickness that feels like a heavy ball of sadness inside me.
In short, I am desperate to return and see the people and city that I love. In a brief fit of optimism recently, I even bought tickets to a show in London next year that I know we have almost no chance of redeeming. That doesn't mean I can't dream.
But just because we may be able to travel sometime in the not-too-distant future, does it mean that we should? The advisory panel suggests, among other measures, quarantine for returnees (albeit a reduced stay on the current 14-day minimum), only allowing travel to low-risk countries, and an expectation that outbreaks and localised lockdowns could become part of New Zealand's new normal. Do I really want to contribute to that?
I can't wait to hear the Government's response tomorrow morning, and I trust their call. I can't wait for the borders to open, so that I can get back to London. But not until the time is right.