KEY POINTS:
The woman at the Air New Zealand call centre lowers her voice conspiratorially and confesses she is also pregnant, though not as far gone as me. She'd love to go on a holiday to Fiji, she says, but her husband won't allow her to fly.
Ah yes, it's a treacherous business, holidaying while pregnant. You never know where or when your baby is going to decide to join you for a bit of sightseeing. Forget canyoning in Bolivia or rafting the Zambesi - the newest thrill in adventure travel is the babymoon.
Or at least you'd think so considering the difficulty in getting travel insurance after the 29th week of pregnancy. My usual insurer, as with most New Zealand insurers as I subsequently discover, is happy to cover me to rock-climb the Niagara Falls and will pay up to $250,000 without blinking if I'm kidnapped and ransomed (with a $1000 per diem for each day I spend incarcerated, presumably in case I decide to pop out for a meal) but do what women have been doing since women evolved and you're simply too much of a menace. And I thought the biggest risk involved in a babymoon was that the bathrobe might not fit.
Finally I discover a UK-based international insurer that covers pregnancy until the 32nd week - up to a maximum of around $16 million in medical expenses, which should just about cover it - and away we go for an obstetrically uneventful but thoroughly pleasant week in Tonga.
This week, week 36 of the pregnancy, we're trying out the new babymoon package at the five-star Peppers Clearwater Resort just outside Christchurch.
If you were looking in the window you would be fooled into thinking this babymoon thing is fairly tame. While Brad is reading a book on an armchair downstairs in our lakefront suite, I'm reclining on a couch getting a pedicure from a visiting beauty therapist, the room service woman is cleaning the kitchen and the maintenance man is washing invisible grime from the windows. I suspect the latter two are just actors planted to make it feel even more decadent.
But did you know there's a theory that if the therapist touches a particular spot on my foot I'll spontaneously go into premature labour? Yes, danger lurks at every turn.
That aside, there are fewer logistical issues and risks in travelling within New Zealand than without while pregnant - even the longest domestic flight is barely enough time to break your waters and have a couple of early contractions. That's presumably why Air New Zealand is pretty relaxed about the whole thing - only requiring a medical clearance if you're having a complicated pregnancy, such as a multiple pregnancy, or if you're on a flight that's longer than four hours after the start of the 36th week.
Of course babymooning is not a new concept - expectant parents have long run away for a last romantic holiday before life becomes just that little bit more complicated - but now there's a marketing term for it. The word even made it into the Merriam-Webster dictionary in May: babymoon (noun) : a short vacation for a couple before the birth of their child.
Overseas, particularly in the United States and increasingly in Australia, luxury lodges and hotels have been clambering to throw together packages to attract the babymoon dollar - with massages, baby gifts, romantic dinners, raspberry leaf tea, jars of pickles in the mini bar and "womb service".
Some also offer postpartum packages, complete with a tiny bathrobe and slippers.
The theory is that with women delaying pregnancy until their 30s, they're more likely to have a higher joint income to splash about at the slightest excuse.
I assume it's this same reasoning that has prams for sale in New Zealand for $1700 (for that I'd want someone to push it). But babymooning doesn't seem to have caught on so much here - well not by that name anyway. Google New Zealand turns up only 27 hits for the term and Clearwater appears to be the first to offer a package.
Clearwater's package, so new that we're the first to try it, includes a manicure and pedicure for me, a nine-hole round of golf on its championship course for Brad (since I probably wouldn't be able to see the ball and, a friend jokes, would need a curved club), dinner and breakfast for two in the resort's restaurant, a hard cheese platter, a skincare gift pack and a rattle and pair of socks for the baby.
It's a chance to forget the Project Baby to-do lists for a couple of days and lounge around where there's no chance of popping into the Baby Factory for a few extra bits and pieces for the nursery. Hell, it may actually save us money.
Clearwater is only a 10-minute drive from Christchurch Airport and we're anxious to get there and start our hectic two-day schedule of doing nothing.
Brad's picked up Tim Flannery's global warming warning The Weather Makers (nothing like a bit of the-end-of-the-world-is-nigh reading to help you enjoy a holiday) while I'm taking the escapism thing more seriously and have chosen the final instalment in the Harry Potter series.
Within half an hour we find out that it's not hard to relax at Peppers. It's amazing how easily you can sink into two days of nothingness - we don't even get around to switching on the television, we're so busy reading, napping, eating, drinking tea, soaking in the spa bath and gazing out the window. The manicure is about as hectic as it gets.
Of course we could tackle the golf course but, to be honest, its PGA championship status is wasted on us. Not that Brad isn't an incredible golf player. He has this amazing shot that flies off about 50 metres and then does a spontaneous 90 degree turn and shoots off to the right. Unfortunately as yet he has no control over this prodigious talent. .
Luckily for us - and for Clearwater's pristine grounds - thick cloud hangs low over the resort during our stay, occasionally dribbling out a little rain and giving us all the excuse we need to stay indoors.
In fact our only real venture out - a walk in, as we discover, the wrong part of the estate - is truncated by a groundsman on a golf cart, worried that we might get in the way of an errant ball. "It's a bit dangerous," he says.
Danger? Pah! We laugh at danger.
TIPS FOR BABYMOONING
Check that your destination serves pregnancy-friendly food, especially if your meals are part of the package. You might need to warn your accommodation provider if you can't eat particular meals.
Pack some snacks such as crackers and noodles for between meals.
Make your travel easier by choosing a resort close to the airport and travelling in reasonable hours.
Don't travel internationally without insurance - and ensure your pregnancy is covered.
Check airline policies about carrying pregnant women and the rules of your country of - some can refuse entry to women carrying past a particular date.
Have a chat to your maternity caregiver before you book.
Don't be too ambitious in booking activities - the whole point is to chill out.
If you're sensitive to heat, opt for a cooler destination or air-conditioned accommodation.
Areas of high altitude can be extra taxing on you and your baby.
Avoid countries where vaccinations and anti-malarial medications are necessary.
TAKE MUM AND DAD
Peppers Clearwater resort is offering a new babymooners escape package for $1231 per couple. It includes:
Two nights accommodation for Mum and Dad in a Lakefront Suite
Pedicure and manicure for Mum (bookings essential)
A round of golf for Dad (clubs and cart not included)
One sumptuous meal for two in the award-winning Lakes Restaurant
Buffet breakfast for two daily
Hard cheese platter
Aromatherapy Pack
Complimentary bathrobe and slippers for Mum and Dad
Complimentary Baby giftpack
CONTACT DETAILS
For reservations or further information contact Peppers Clearwater Resort on 03 360 1000 or by email Clearwater@peppers.co.nz.
Also visit www.peppers.co.nz.
Bronwyn Sell travelled courtesy of Peppers Clearwater Lodge.
