Blow me down! It's the Orkneys

The Orkneys, off the tip of Scotland, possess monuments older than the pyramids and friendliness warm enough to keep out the coldest wind. JENNIFER GRIMWADE was (nearly) blown away

Sitting at the bar skimming the local paper, the Orcadian, I'm amused to read advice to local motorists to remember to take the keys out of their car. I'm even more entertained when I ask the barmaid about the Piss-Up Jar.

Nonchalantly, she says, "When it gets full of coins we have a piss-up."

I then ask about the band that played at the pub the night before but the barmaid says she was so drunk she has no idea what sort of music they played.

Clearly, this is no ordinary place, and I start wondering what she might say if she knew me well. Probably much the same, for strangers are more than welcome in this archipelago 10km north of John o'Groats off the tip of Scotland.

Considering there are innumerable opportunities to explore more than 5000 years of history here, it is surprising the Orkneys are not swarming with tourists. Perhaps it is because they are relatively remote, though to me this is one of their main attractions.

Only 20 of the 70 undulating, treeless islands are inhabited, and most of the 20,000 Orcadians live on the largest island, which they call the Mainland. But even the Mainland is not big and you wouldn't get lost if you tossed your map to the wind.

And believe me, it will be windy, if not a howling gale.

There is certainly a lot of truth in the old Orcadian joke about everyone falling over if the wind drops. During our visit the weather is so appalling even the pigeon races are cancelled, but the East Mainland Agriculture Show still goes ahead.

Taking refuge in the car, we have a wonderful time cruising around the country lanes at a snail's pace. There's so little traffic you can easily stop in the middle of the road if you want to try patting a grumpy Shetland pony or admire fields of buttercups, iris, yarrow, daisies, Scottish thistle and heather.

Driving past bales of hay, ancient stone fences and fat, black cows, we head for Skara Brae, the best-preserved neolithic village in Europe. It is in excellent condition, as it was covered in sand until a storm lashed the Bay of Skaill in 1850 and washed away the dunes.

Radiocarbon dating suggests Skara Brae was inhabited from 3100BC to 2500BC with a population of 40 to 50 people living in half a dozen stone houses. Linked by a communal passageway, each dwelling had a large, square room with a central fireplace, two adjacent beds and a shelved dresser.

An excellent new interactive information centre speculates on how these people lived. Archaeologists have evidence that they farmed cattle, sheep and pigs, fished, and grew barley and some wheat.

Not far away is one of the Orkney Islands' famous neolithic cairn tombs, Maes Howe. Built around 2700BC, the passageway to the tomb is an extraordinary feat of engineering. It features a single stone slab 5.6m long, and at the winter solstice the sun shines straight down the passage into the square burial chamber.

When Maes Howe was excavated in 1861, it was empty. However, inscriptions carved in Scandinavian runes suggest a Viking chief and his treasure might have been buried there in the ninth century, the tomb being looted by Norsemen in the 12th century.

But there is no proof to back this theory, and neither do archaeologists understand the significance of the nearby megalithic monuments from the Bronze Age. In 2900BC the 12 Stones of Stenness were erected inside a ditch and an outer bank. Nearby is the Ring of Brodgar, which some believe was an instrument to track the movements of the moon using its 60 standing stones.

We will probably never know the true purpose of the stones, but we do know that these ancient monuments, tombs and dwellings on the Orkney Islands were all built before the age of the pyramids.

During the Iron Age, in the last few centuries before Christ, the people of the Orkneys began to build brochs (fortified houses). These permanently occupied family homes were often 11-15m wide with walls 3-4m thick.

Many are still in good condition, such as the Burroughston Broch on Shrapinsay Island. When we visit, seals are wallowing on the nearby rocks and we have a bird's-eye view across the sea to the huge spire of the 12th-century St Magnus Cathedral.

St Magnus dominates Kirkwall, the capital of the Orkneys. Founded by Earl Rognvald in 1137 during the "Golden Age of the Orkneys," congregations were worshipping in St Magnus within 15 years, even though it took another three centuries for this magnificent red and yellow sandstone edifice to be completed.

But all this delving into the ancient past can be thirsty work and the time has come to absorb another more recent, and certainly more liquid, aspect of Orkney history. Highland Park, a popular attraction, is the most northern distillery and has been distilling malt whisky for two centuries, except during the Second World War when it was turned into an army food store and its vats used as communal baths.

If you do partake of the customary wee dram at the end of the tour, take extra heed of the signs warning you to watch out for otters, a protected species, on the road back. You might catch a glimpse of a rare bird too, as more than 1 million birds visit the Orkneys each year.

Besides the cute puffins, the islands host 337 species of birds including the Arctic skua, Britain's rarest breeding seabird. Not surprisingly, there are many bird hides about.

Most migrating birds can handle the weather, unlike the racing pigeons. Sometimes the big metal birds have trouble landing too, but by the time our stay is over the planes are flying again.

However, the Kennings Car Hire office at the airport is closed, so I ring the town office and the ever-so-polite lady says, "Just leave the keys in the glovebox."

I guess she hasn't been reading the Orcadian.

Casenotes

GETTING THERE: British Airways Express from Wick, Inverness, Aberdeen, Edinburgh and Glasgow. Inverness-Kirkwall advance-purchase return is around £123 ($425); ferry connections from John O'Groats, Aberdeen, Scrabster.

WHAT TO DO: Scuba-dive the remains of the First World War Grand German Fleet scuttled in 1919; walk the cliffs, beaches and around the lochs; hire a bike; try trout fishing, sea angling, windsurfing, sailing and golf; follow the craft trail which includes knitwear, jewellery, pottery and traditional straw-backed chairs.

EATING OUT: Dine on local seafood, fine beef and lamb and unusual cheeses. Don't miss the best restaurant: the Creel, St Margaret's Hope.

WHERE TO STAY: Ayre Hotel, Ayre Rd, Kirkwall, ph (0044) 1856 873001, fax (0044) 1856 876289; Balfour Castle, Shrapinsay, ph (0044) 1856 711282, fax (0044) 1856 711283, e-mail balfourcastle@btinternet.com

MORE INFO: Orkney Tourist Board, 6 Broad St, Kirkwall, ph (0044) 1856 872856, fax (0044) 1856 875056.