Kiwi Graham Parker said travelling as a gay man often requires him to alter his behaviour to stay safe. Photo / Supplied
Kiwi Graham Parker said travelling as a gay man often requires him to alter his behaviour to stay safe. Photo / Supplied
When Indonesia announced a new criminal code, which will make extramarital sex a punishable offence, many expressed fear and outrage about what it would mean for those visiting on holiday.
However, for LGBT+ travellers, this kind of anxiety is nothing new, something one Instagram user called out via the platform.
“Straight people, freaking out about premarital sex ban in Bali, oh the humanity,” read the post, suggesting that, when gay people travel, they often ask themselves if local laws mean they could be “imprisoned, beaten or put to death for simply existing.”
“Get some perspective on your privilege people,” it concluded.
Kiwi traveller Graham Parker shared the post, saying he totally agreed and could resonate with the experience.
Despite having been with his partner Johnathan for 11 years, Parker said they still had to act like friends while travelling around certain destinations.
Graham Parker shared a story on Instagram from a like-minded traveller. Photo / Instagram
Parker, who lived in Melbourne for eight years, said the pair were avid travellers but had to be careful.
“There have been quite a number of times we’ve had really unusual instances, you know, especially around hotels, and checking-in processes,” he said, describing one circumstance when their flight was diverted into Qatar and the airline provided passengers with a hotel room.
“Because we were two men, we got two hotel rooms,” Parker said. “We checked in, we were like, ‘look, we can just take one, we don’t need to occupy two of them’”. However, the staff quietly but firmly said they must take two rooms.
“We were a little bit scared, to be perfectly honest,” said Parker. The couple decided to stay in the same room, but mess up the bed in the other room, just in case.
Regardless, it was an uneasy night for them both.
“When we slept in that bed we were like, what would happen if someone comes in, or if it’s a fire alarm or whatever.”
Even something as simple as walking around a foreign city required heightened awareness, especially in countries where homosexuality was illegal.
“You would hate to stir something up, so to speak, in those countries,” said Parker, who said they often had to walk a little bit apart.
“It’s taking that mental moment of going ‘oh, don’t touch him that way, don’t rub his back or shoulder or give him a cuddle’”.
On reflection, Parker said travel can feel like stepping back in time to before he could be openly gay with friends and family.
“It’s almost like going back to the days before you were out, and you’d just braise your little fingers against each other.
“That moment of like a little touch, but that’s it.”
Parker said some destinations technically outlaw homosexuality but seem to treat foreigners as an exception to their rules. Photo / Supplied
Not all destinations are as conservative as Indonesia and some cities around the world are lauded as havens for gay travellers. But Parker said these tend to lack the exciting foreignness travellers typically desire.
“There are definitely destinations in the world that are really progressive, but they’re usually the very westernised ones, not the fun, exciting, kind of ‘take you out of your comfort zone’ countries,” he said.
Unfortunately, Parker said some risky, exotic experiences are simply off the cards.
“If you wanted to go around Africa and do like a real Africa tour then, that would be quite a probably scary tour for a gay couple to do”.
In a perfect world, Parker said people would accept one another but he doubted that would ever happen.
Instead, he wondered what it would look like to have different policies for residents and tourists regarding cultural or moral issues such as sexuality.
“Maybe it’s making rules that only apply to the native people, not the people who are visiting,” said Parker.
“I think that because, at least it’s like they’re choosing to live there and that’s their choice, which means they follow the rules around that one [sexual orientation] specifically.
“And if you could prove that you were on a visa, or literally had your passport, then you were immediately exempt.”
According to Indonesian government officials, this is the aim of the new code, which has stipulations that make it difficult for visitors to be punished.
Shocked by the global backlash, Bali Governor Wayan Koster attempted to quell panic by reiterating that the policy could only be enforced if a family member lodged a report, and will not come into action for three years.
Yet, Parker admitted that it still created an atmosphere that felt exclusive.
“As a tourist, you do avoid the places where you don’t agree with the values,” he said.
“As much as you might have an amazing country, and we’re missing out by not being able to see it, we don’t want to say we’re we’re just gonna come and give you all our tourist money and support your view.
“It is that whole thing of ‘If that’s how you treat people who are like us in your country, why should we be visiting you?’” he said.
