The Ghan stops for whistle-stop tours in the Northern Territory (NT) towns of Katherine and Alice Springs (see below), but the rest of the time you're at the mercy of its relentless trajectory.
Indeed, you run on "train time" - it's out of your hands when you arrive and depart stations, so why worry about it? Instead, just sit back and enjoy the journey.
Huge dragonflies dance alongside The Ghan as we make our way out of lush, green Darwin. Apart from soaring kites near Katherine, they're the only sign of animal life I spot until we reach South Australia when the odd cow or sheep starts to appear. There's no sign of the estimated one million wild camels that roam the Outback, nor any kangaroos or dingos.
For its first 75 years The Ghan - named after the pioneering cameleers who forged the path through the red centre of the country in the 1800s, many of whom were Afghan - ran between Adelaide and Alice Springs, with the Darwin leg of the track only completed in 2004, finally linking north to south by rail.
It's hard to imagine the effort it must have taken to lay those two skinny tracks for thousands of kilometres in the most challenging of conditions.
The average length of the train is 774m, but it can gain or lose carriages as needed. It stretches so far that at no point could I see its full length. There are no platforms long enough to accommodate it in the NT, so in Darwin a coach drives down its side depositing (the mostly elderly) guests outside their carriages.
On this journey there are 200 passengers on board and 30 staff - the train is not quite at capacity - and we lose and gain people at Alice Springs.
The landscape varies wildly as we sail through Ilioquara and Poutnoura, Bookaloo and Winnienowie at an average speed of 85km/h past tidy groves of mango trees, over vast rivers, through dusty red emptiness - yes, there is plenty of that - and scrubby bushland, past termite mounds, an enormous wind farm, and the occasional impressive rock formation.
One moment the landscape is green and lush, the next it's red and dusty - but it's never boring. Photo / Supplied
Two massive mountain ranges loom in the background at different parts of the journey: the East and West MacDonnell Ranges, which frame Alice Springs, and the Flinders Ranges on the outskirts of Adelaide, and as we get further south, the countryside becomes green once again.
We become a moving tourist attraction as we glide out of Alice Springs, with people lined along the roadside taking photos and videos, or just waving cheerily.
My home for the next three days - a gold twin cabin - is an exercise in compactness. Its three-seater couch is transformed by staff into a surprisingly cosy bunk bed while you're at dinner. There's a sliver of a wardrobe, plenty of space for small cases (anything larger is stored at the back of the train for the duration of the trip) and even a full-length mirror. The tiny bathroom manages to combine a shower with a loo and wash basin, and there's even a full-length mirror.
The decor is classic, with lots of wood panelling - the only modern touches are the bathroom and the speaker system. The best feature, of course, is the large window.
The Ghan's Platinum cabins are twice the size, with double beds, separate showers and panoramic windows, while the Gold singles have a basin but communal bathrooms. Red is ... adequate. At least the seats recline.
The train's constant motion is like being in a rolling earthquake. Sleeping is a bit of a challenge at first, but it gets better once you're more used to the creaks and groans.
Photos: The Ghan - Luxury Train Travel
The Ghan chugs through the centre of Australia. Photo / Supplied
Eating and socialising is a major part of the journey. Riding on The Ghan is the perfect trip if you like meeting new people or you're travelling with a group of friends. The Outback Explorer lounge cars are open from mid-afternoon and drinks and bar snacks are included in the Gold and Platinum fares.
The lounge cars are also where you wait to be seated for dinner in the Queen Adelaide Restaurant. Seating plans are like a jigsaw, with pre-allocated dining times still dependent on those eating before you.
The quality of the food, which showcases local and seasonal produce, and the five-star service is a huge drawcard of The Ghan. A sample of the dinner menu: Nullarbor Plains kangaroo loin mignon, wrapped in pancetta, grilled, then served on broken potatoes with a spiced quandong glaze.
The people you meet are brilliant, and most are nuts about trains.
On this trip most of the passengers are elderly Australians, though the demographic of the passengers varies depending on the time of year, train manager Simone Zauch tells me.
Edith, 82, from NSW, is on her third full-length Ghan trip. She loves trains so much she used to hang out on the platforms at Sydney's Central Station as a teenager and pat the locomotives.
Trish and Paul, also from NSW, had driven 6000km to Darwin to see where Trish's dad had worked as a builder following its devastation by Japanese bombers in 1942. Their car was on the back of the train and they were getting off at Alice for a week before rejoining the train and continuing on to Adelaide.
Garth and Adrienne from the Coromandel said it was a great way to see the country. Yuki and Taku, a Japanese couple from Sydney who were mad All Blacks fans, wanted to do the trip before they moved back to Tokyo later in the year.
The Ghan train stands ready to depart from Darwin. Photo / Morne de Klerk, Photography Life 2013 - Great Southern Rail
As we come to a final stop at Adelaide's Parklands Terminal, staff make a point of saying a personal goodbye to every passenger. It's a nice touch, and gestures like that keep people coming back for more.
I wave goodbye to some of my new friends and head off towards the city to stretch my legs and see what's been going on while I've been unplugged and offline for three days.
Off-train excursions
If you have time to spare, get off at Alice Springs and spend a few days there before re-catching The Ghan and continuing on to Adelaide or Darwin. That way you'll have time to pay a visit to the mighty Uluru, which is actually so far from Alice that you don't even get a glimpse of it on from the train.
If that's not an option, The Ghan's four-hour excursions give a quick taste of the history and culture of this isolated community 200km south of Australia's geographical centre, which these days is home to 28,000 people.
The Alice Explorer tour takes in a visit to the town's reason for existing: the restored Telegraph Station which was built as a repeater station for the Overland Telegraph Line in 1872. Many of the original buildings, including living quarters, have been restored and the site is now a historical reserve.
You'll also stop by the Royal Flying Doctor Service Museum to learn about the crucial medical service that has been providing emergency flights for hundreds of thousands of Outback residents since 1928.
Finally you can choose either a visit to the town's reptile park or the impressive National Pioneer Women's Hall of Fame which pays tribute to the Australian women who have made a significant contribution to the country's heritage. It's set in Alice's heritage-listed gaol (in use from 1928-96) which is interesting to have a look around in itself.
More Ghan off-train excursions are in the works, but at the moment the only other place passengers can visit is the Northern Territory town of Katherine.
Tours head straight for the stunning Nitmiluk National Park which is home to the Katherine Gorge, made up of 13 ancient sandstone gorges.
The gorge cruises run by local people are an interesting way to have a look at the scenery and learn about the Aboriginal way of life - how they fished, sheltered and used plant life for, well, everything you can think of. There's also the chance to see some indigenous rock art that's around 40,000 years old.
And if you're really lucky, like we were, you might even get a glimpse of a sleepy freshwater crocodile chilling out on the riverbank.
Kayakers make their way up the Katherine Gorge. Photo / Supplied
TIPS FOR TRAVELLERS
• Take warm clothes - the air-conditioning in the train can get cold, and, after the sapping heat of Darwin, Alice Springs was quite chilly. Adelaide varies from very cold to ridiculously hot.
• If the motion of the train makes you feel queasy, try some green apple or peppermint tea to settle your tummy.
• Earplugs are a good idea if you're a light sleeper.
• Make sure you have books/music/games/knitting ... you'll have plenty of time to spend relaxing.
THE NUMBERS
54hrs journey length
2979km journey distance
774m average train length
85km/hr average speed
115km/hr top speed
CHECKLIST
Getting there: Qantas has between three and six flights weekly from Auckland to Darwin via Sydney, Melbourne or Brisbane.
The Ghan departs Adelaide or Darwin once a week, which increases to twice weekly from May-August and decreases to once a fortnight in December and January.
Further information: There are three service classes - Platinum, Gold (single and twin) and Red - and there are varying ticket prices depending on seasons, booking times, and so on. Several concessions are available.
The writer travelled courtesy of Tourism Australia, Great Southern Rail, Tourism Northern Territory and South Australia Tourist Commission.
