KEY POINTS:
You've heard the joke.
"I have a ticket for Bombay and I want you to send my luggage to Hong Kong," the person says at the check-in counter.
"Sorry sir, we can't do that."
"Why not? You did it yesterday."
After travelling the world for 20 years it was finally my turn.
Leaving Bangkok bound for Sydney on a flight that went on to Auckland, my luggage fails to materialise at the conveyer belt when I arrive early in the morning.
An official asks what I am waiting for ... my baggage of course.
"What flight?" he asks. "I think you'll find all the baggage from that flight is off."
Ah, my turn to front the lost-baggage counter. "We think your baggage has gone on to Auckland," the clerk says.
"We'll have it back on the return flight - it's not as if it's gone to London. You should get it by this afternoon and we'll courier it to you," the clerk chirps. "Here's a number to call to check up on what's happening."
Lovely. I live a little bit out of town during the week but this being a Thursday before a long weekend in the country, I am going to be even further away tomorrow - by 450km.
Back home I am getting a little worried by 6pm when the bag has not arrived.
I ring the airport. "Oh dear," the clerk says, "That flight landed at 3pm and there's nothing ... don't tell me they've taken your bag back to Bangkok."
No, don't tell me that.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. How ridiculous," the clerk says. "It will now have to be returned on a subsequent flight ... yes, we'll ring and let you know once we get confirmation from Bangkok that that is where it is."
Twenty-four hours pass. My lonely little bag, having arrived at Bangkok at 2am Friday morning, should now be winging its way back.
By the time it arrives in Sydney I'll have driven through the NSW countryside to the north-west of the state.
On Friday I ring at 6pm.
Yes, the bag is on its way from Bangkok and will arrive, tired but safely, at 9.30pm, the clerk tells me.
But I am now two hours from a commercial airport.
"No worries. We'll get it to you. What's the address? What's the nearest airport - Dubbo - got three flights there tomorrow, first at 8am, and then, no worries, we'll pop it on a courier," is the confident reply.
Next day I ring again. Yes, my well-travelled bag definitely left Sydney and should arrive in Dubbo at midday.
By 4pm when there is no call I ring Dubbo Airport and get a phone message. Yes, yes I'm chasing a lost bag, my name, address is etc etc.
At 10am on the Sunday I get the reply: "Sorry, we didn't know where to send the bag as it came with no instructions and we were looking for the paperwork. Did you file a lost-baggage report ?"
"Yes, I filed one in Sydney."
"Well we got no instruction so your bag has been sitting here since 1.30pm yesterday."
OK, forget why you didn't phone Sydney about it, and it has taken from 4pm to 10am the next day to reply.
"Now we'll put it on a courier for you. I will ring one straight away. Where do you live again?"
Yeah, turn left, turn right. Bugaldie is 18km from Coonabarabran. I drone the instructions.
Four hours later the airport phones back. Wow, someone has actually called me back to report on progress. Or is my bag developing its own language and demanding it be taken home?
"So, no courier I guess?" is my first response.
"Oh no - I have a courier lined up. He'll deliver your bag to Roach's hardware store in Coonabarabran at 8am tomorrow morning."
"But I'm due back in Sydney tomorrow [Monday]!"
"Well, I can't authorise to send it back again," is the irritated reply. "And the courier won't deliver it to you personally."
Deliver it and my spouse will pick it up instead, I say, resigning myself to not seeing my bag for another week.
Monday morning: spouse arrives at Roach's Hardware. Roach's don't know anything about a bag. Aah, but the courier who brings cement supplies leaves things out the back before the shop opens.
"We'll check," they say. Spouse follows them out.
Yes, forlornly sitting on a dusty concrete floor in the cement shed is my bag. A rough note stuck on it.
"Deliver to Roach's hardware for a Bugaldie person."
PS: Bag travelled 19,733km, visited three countries and four airports but did not get any frequent flyer points.
- AAP
