Air New Zealand's inaugural direct flight from Auckland to New York prepares for take off. Video / Stephanie Holmes
New York always loomed large in my life. As a kid, I read about its buildings and bridges — they used to be the tallest/longest in the world.
Its television shows, even the one about nothing, were the biggest in the world.
And has any city been sung about more? Certainly not in English. In 2019, Forbes reported that New York had 161 songs about it.* London was second, with 102.
This was my first trip to New York and as soon as I arrived at the impressive Modernhaus Hotel in SoHo, I went for a walk, partly so I could yell: “Hey I’m walking here!” Fortuitously Modernhaus is 15 minutes’ walk from a true comedy Mecca, the Comedy Cellar — capacity, just 150. Ideally, you book.
Go online to peruse the regular acts — they’re pretty famous. Even better, watching the sitcom Crashing about the life of stand-up comedian Pete Holmes.
Crashing was my most recent reference and, as soon as arrived, I went to the Olive Tree Cafe (as seen on TV) above the Cellar and ordered the buffalo chicken wings. The wings were great and I’ll revisit the comedy later in this story.
I was in New York on business — “Hey, I’m working here!” — to interview Kiwi basketball icon Sean Marks, a 2m-plus North Shore boy who made the big time playing in the NBA and arguably the bigger time as general manager of the Brooklyn Nets.
On my way to the game, I stopped at Ace Hotel in Brooklyn for a very nice gourmet burger and then watched a very dysfunctional Nets team muddle its way to a victory. Marks said he had a good working relationship with superstar Kevin Durant, who threatened to leave in the off-season. A month later, Marks traded Durant to Phoenix, and sent his other superstar, Kyrie Irving, to Dallas.
Marks is considered a great operator and already Portland’s elite All Star point guard Damian Lillard has been to Brooklyn to watch a playoff game. Where there’s smoke?
New Yorkers love their sports teams - the Nets, Mets, Jets, Rangers, Giants, Knicks and Yankees, the latter being the most famous. Aaron Judge had a record home-run-hitting season for the Yankees last year, but by their high standards, they’re in a drought. The Yankees have won the World Series 40 times (21 more than the next best) but the last time was 2009.
New York does have one reigning national champion: its rugby team, run by my old boss Ric Salizzo, of Sports Cafe fame. His club won the US Major League Rugby title. The team is now called the New York Ironworkers, a nod to the high-rise heroes who built this city, on rock - Manhattan schist to be exact. That’s what allows the buildings to be so high. One World Trade Centre is the highest at 541m. You can go to the top, plus there’s a bundle deal with a boat trip to the Statue of Liberty.
I didn’t have time for Lady Liberty, skyscraper queues, or even the incredible museums, so here are my five things to do in New York with minimal fuss.
Grand Central Station is one of New York's most famous landmarks and is totally free to visit. Photo / NYC & Company
1. Landmarks
If, like me, you don’t like to queue, I recommend three essential landmarks: Central Park, Times Square and Grand Central Station. They’re all rather close to each other and open to the public, and while Central Park has an alarming number of cyclists, joggers and horse-drawn carriages, it’s still big enough to be tranquil and of course familiar for even the most casual movie buff.
At the iconic Grand Central Station, don’t forget the “talking corners”, where the acoustics allow you and someone else to stand at opposite ends of a domed ceiling and have a quiet conversation amid the hubbub.
2. Music
Fun fact: Billy Joel is kind of the resident artist at Madison Square Garden and performs there at least once a month.
My daughter would want to see The Strokes or the musical Hamilton.
Well, Hamilton is the toughest ticket to get on Broadway, so I went to see Six — the story of Henry VIII’s six wives. It’s a fast, furious, funny, history lesson, clearly written by someone who knew a lot about the big, hungry, execution-happy British monarch. Spoiler alert: he sent two wives, Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard, to their death at the Tower of London.
The level of musical and vocal skill was high, but in New York, talent is everywhere. When I was in a subway corridor, I stumbled across a busker playing John Lennon’s Imagine on the pan flute. It was poignant and, if you’re reading this online, watch the video here:
I still remember the day in December 1980, when my teacher in Te Awamutu told our class that Lennon had been shot dead in New York. So yes, I had a moment in the subway.
3. Food
My first inclination was to seek out classic New York pizza. And I found it at John’s Of Bleecker Street.
Don’t get me wrong, it was good pizza. But what really caught my eye in New York is the 24-hour delis on every second corner. You can order almost any sandwich, and if you’ve had a big night, they’ll do a fry-up for you at 2am. Don’t drink and fry, give the deli a try.
I didn’t make it to Rupert Jee’s Hello Deli, made famous on the David Letterman Show, but I hear Rupert’s about to retire and sell the deli so if you want to see him, go now.
Johns Of Bleecker Street is a famous pizza restaurant in New York. Photo / NYC & Company
If you want the history — the Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Yogi Berra, Micky Mantle, Roger Clemens, Derek Jeter, A-Rod history, then go to the Yankees. But the dailymeal.com says the Mets has “decidedly better food”, including Fuku fried chicken sandwiches and freshly made Papa Rosso pizzas.
In basketball, the Knicks are currently better than the Nets, and you’ll see Spike Lee courtside decked out in orange and blue. But the Nets have better music — well Jay-Z is a part-owner.
Tylor Megill of the New York Mets. Baseball is the quintessential New York sport, and the Mets has 'decidedly better food' than the Yankees. Photo / Getty Images
5. Comedy
A few years ago TimeOut ranked the 50th funniest New Yorkers. Jerry Seinfeld was only 33rd! Oof! Tough crowd. Shockingly, shock-jock Howard Stern was three places above him.
On the night I went to the Cellar, my favourite comedian on the night, Jim Norton, had a hysterical and historical joke about the British royal family. The jokes obviously weren’t to everyone’s taste - the woman next to me got up and left after Norton joked about Meghan Markle and Prince Harry.
But when in New York, do as the New Yorkers do — stick around, you might end up enjoying it.
* By the way, my top 5 New York songs are:
Empire State of Mind - Jay Z ft. Alicia Keys
New York State of Mind - Billy Joel
New York, New York - Frank Sinatra
Back in the New York Groove - Ace Frehley
Jamaican In New York - Shinehead’s cover of Sting’s Englishman In New York
