Speaking up vital in challenging times

Be honest and be empathetic when talking to someone.

No one likes having difficult conversations, either personal or at work, and sometimes, our natural reaction is to shut down and protect ourselves, rather than open up.

By shutting down and not communicating, several things happen. No one knows what's happening for us, they can't read minds.

People know something is wrong, they start guessing (and are usually wrong). They respond without empathy or understanding, which doesn't help.

By opening up, the opposite happens. The people around us start to understand, can share our concerns, offer support or respond with suggestions.

Here are a few tips that could be used for talking with staff (or the other half):

- Be courageous: If the message is difficult but it needs to be said, be brave.

- Be clear: Think about the key points you need to make. Don't beat around the bush.

- Be empathetic: Think about how the message may be received; genuine kindness goes a long way.

- Be honest: Don't be afraid to say what you honestly feel or think.

- Be appropriate: Pick the right time, place and think about who is within earshot.

- Look forward: Keep focused on solutions for what's coming up.

Some examples of things to say include:

"I'm finding it hard to say ... that I've been feeling really depressed lately. I don't know what to do."

"I've been putting off telling you this for a while ... because it's not very nice. However, I have to tell you that I'm not happy with your performance in your job."

"This is very difficult for me to tell you ... because I'm a proud person but no doubt you read the news. Our business isn't doing very well at the moment and unfortunately we will be cutting back on our costs.

"I'm gutted to have to tell you this news ... but we did the numbers and we won't be replacing Greg until July, it will just be the two of us working until then. This means I'll need some extra support from you."

Who do you call?

Support for tricky communication situations:

- Rural support trust 0800787254
- depression.org.nz 0800111757
- Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment - 0800 20 90 20 (employment relations free advice)
- Federated Farmers advice line 0800 FARMING or 0800 327 646 (free for members).