Herald columnist and Radio Hauraki breakfast host Matt Heath has taken on a new role as Happiness Editor for our Great Minds mental-health project. He shares his own insights and speaks to experts. Today, he talks to rural mum Kate Ivey, the brains behind online fitness website DediKate.
Living in the country is seen as the dream life to many New Zealanders, but the truth is, our rural folk are struggling mentally.
I have a slight sense of what they may be going through. When I was 10, my parents moved us to a farm a million miles from my friends. I was furious and retaliated by locking myself inside, attempting to watch TV 24 hours a day, but was often forced to cut gorse, spray stuff or chase sheep.
One summer holiday, I didn't see anyone my age for six depressing weeks. I can still feel the aching loneliness. I'd fantasise about walking to a dairy to buy icecream or just knocking on a mate's door to play. My three sisters are lovely, but they can't bat or bowl.
The isolation changed me. I've made sure I live near a friend and a dairy ever since. Of course, my childhood complaints are trivial compared to the struggles and stress a rural mum faces on the farm.
I got through the isolation by throwing rocks at trees, sulking constantly and listening to The Cure in the top paddock. Kate Ivey, a country mother of three, believes a good way for women to deal with their mental wellbeing is through exercise, and she started a series of online sessions called DediKate to help.
Q: What mental wellbeing challenges do people face living rurally?
A: There are the challenges and stress that come with farming, floods, drought, the economy, government protocols and everything that's going on. You are living and working in the same place and it can be all-encompassing.
Sometimes you just need to get off the farm for a break, but that often isn't possible. It's hard to access mental health services and other things that are good for your wellbeing like gyms and, with the isolation, friends and family can't just pop around.
You don't have as much access to some of the things that make you feel good and that are good for your mental health.
Q: What particular challenges do women face that men might not?
A: Not everyone has this arrangement, but often the female is in sole charge of the children at home for long periods. Then nowadays, women are doing a lot of work on and off the farm on top of that. So there's a constant load.
It's not saying women's mental health is harder or easier than men's. Men struggle with it too. But I feel there are conversations happening around rural men's mental health now. We are just putting our hands up to support women too.
Sometimes rural women just need time to prioritise themselves. To be seen and heard. Because women are often supporting their partners and kids.
Women are often looking after people; we are just asking 'who's looking after them?'.
It's a generalisation, but in a lot of situations, the woman hasn't chosen to live where they live. They're making a life somewhere that they maybe didn't expect to be, and in the middle of that life, it's harder than they envisioned.
Once they have children, it becomes really isolating. They don't have the same networks that they may have had. You miss the bonds and connections with people that you used to have in your life.
There are lots of great people in the country, and the communities are close, but some women have had to give up their people to be where they are.
Q: Female friends of mine tell me they love the thought of finding a farmer and moving to the country. It's a romantic idea. Are they getting that wrong, or are there a bunch of positive aspects in living rurally?
A: There are so many. It's fantastic to bring your children up in open spaces of the country. It's not slower-paced, it's busy, but it's just not hectic like it is in cities. You're dealing with yourself and your surroundings, not millions of other people. Then there's nature. Where I live, there's easy access to lakes and ski fields. Farming is intense and busy; your work is your life, and your life is your work, but you can still have a lot of fun, and there is that real sense of community in the country.
Q: Yeah, in the city you're surrounded by people, but you may never get to know the neighbours because you don't have to. Rurally you would need to have a relationship with the next farm down, even if it's just for safety reasons.
A: Exactly. You need to have each other's back if anything happens. But loneliness is still a problem. It's a hard one because you know your neighbours would do anything for you, but then it's lonely because maybe you're going through something that no one else in the area is. In my case, I have a child who has special needs, and there are not many others in the community experiencing that.
Q: So rural people are there if there's a farm problem or an emergency, but how are they at reaching out to someone who is struggling mentally?
A: The stats show that there's lots of work to be done, but I think we're getting better. We need to make sure conversations in this area keep happening.
Q: Seems like a reasonably physical life in the country already but you're encouraging rural women to do more exercise on top of that?
A: Yeah, for those who are struggling, it's just reminding them how good they feel straight after exercise. It's been shown to be as effective as medication in some studies.
Not saying you should do it instead of medication. We just want to show how powerful exercise is for your confidence levels and sense of self-worth. The endorphin and mental clarity and the energy you get really help.
People think exercise is something you do when you want to lose 5kg for a wedding or something, and that's fine, but we are saying try continuing to do it all the time. Movement is an essential part of being human, just like sleep and good nutrition.
Q: So should people work out for mental wellbeing reasons as opposed to trying to look better?
A: Yeah, if you are only focused on weight, you often give up if you don't see results, and this can feed a negative body image. So I think it's good to take the focus off weight loss and on mental health.
It is important for some people to lose weight for their health. It's just that it's so much more powerful when you do it for how it makes you feel.
Some days you don't care about weight loss. You've had a busy day; your to-do list seems overwhelming. Then you do a workout or a run, and all of a sudden, you're are like, 'what was I even worried about?'.
Often when we don't feel like exercising, that's exactly when we need it. People don't realise that it's normal not to feel like doing it. But a workout is actually what you need to feel good. It's such a good thing to focus on.
• Ivey started DediKate after struggling with her own health and mental wellbeing being as a rural mum of three. It's grown into a community of thousands. Kateiveyfitness.com
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