Matt Heath: It's my phone and I'll play with it if I want to

A family that zones out together, stays together, or not. The point is the screen can be more interesting. Whose fault is that? Photo / Getty Images

Are we really zoning out or simply changing channel?

Last week in this column I wrote about blaming weight problems on your kids. Put simply, children leave delicious, tempting food on their plates, they create an infectious sugar-worshipping culture and their backseat pro-junk food activism is impossible to resist.

My theory really resonated with readers. One happy commenter, user name "Positive Thinker", wrote: "Yes, blame someone else ... that seems to work, right!"

Great point "Positive thinker", and thanks. You've inspired me to expand my "blame others" ethos to another big issue of the day: spending too much time focused on our digital devices.

I read a bunch of studies claiming we're zoning in on our phones and zoning out on our lives, swiping through our messages and apps instead of having real interactions with the humans we love.

You probably feel you spend too much time on your phone. But are you really to blame? Is the problem your obsession with your phone or is the problem with your family and friends? Surely it's their responsibility to be more interesting than a phone. Let's face facts, if they were more exciting, you would be zoned in on them and not some shiny black rectangle.

Ask yourself this: Can your family give you up-to-date weather info like the MetService app can? Do they run a rain radar? Do they deliver breaking news from around the world? Do they stream video of your favourite TV shows? Do they give you access to millions of songs? Can you search and watch amusing YouTube clips on your family? Are your friends an army you can control like a god from above? Do they have a torch function?

No they do not. So what choice do you have but to turn to your phone for these things?

If your family and friends can't deliver the information and remote communications you need, then they'll have to learn to share you.

Distraction isn't new. In the old days dads wouldn't look up from the morning paper for hours at a time. Before cellphones fathers would spend all day tinkering in their sheds. My parents spent half their lives ignoring me, bent over dirt and plucking weeds out of the garden. We have always been zoned out and it's not our fault.

The problem lies with friends and family. They have consistently failed to provide us with enough entertainment.

If you get bored and change the channel on a TV show do you blame yourself or the show? It's the same with families and friends. Staring at your phone is simply changing channels on parts of your life.

It's the same reason we drink. We are flicking programmes. Making life a little bit more fun.

It doesn't mean you don't love your family. Your heart and soul will always be with them. But they need to realise they are just one of many entertainment options available to you.

They need to try harder.

Stop blaming yourself; you're not a bad mum, dad or friend because you spend most of your time staring at your phone. Being there is 90 per cent. The fact you are around is more than enough.

When you arrive at home or at a restaurant to meet friends say something nice, make them know you care and then do what you need to do: check the MetService app, build a wall for your village, repeatedly check your emails, Facebook and news headlines in case they've changed. You deserve to be happy.

We are lucky to live in an era when all the info, social engagement and fulfilment we need is right here in our pockets. If loved ones want us to look up from our phones they need to give us something to look at. If you have a device addiction, don't beat yourself up. Blame your friends and family and move on.