Shelley Howells: Web is chock-a-block with antidotes for Valentine's Day

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Valentine's Day used to be a simple affair: chocs, roses, anonymous cards for some; "bah-humbug" disguising secret self-pity for the rest of us. Now, technology ensures that The Rest of Us not only miss out on calories, shrubbery and bits of pink cardboard, but must also endure watching others receiving cute text-messages-of-lurve, e-cards and message-board declarations of adoration.

Happily, technology can now also provide the antidote. The anti-Valentine's Day movement is alive and well online. These are sites for cynics, the broken-hearted, the bitter and the twisted. They're not all about being anti-love, they're mostly about resenting the pressure to say it with cuddly toys and pink nylon knickers, on a day that's more retail than romance.

Women.com has a touching Anti-Valentine's Day Guide boasting "over 100 ways to say to hell with love" and resources such as the "how bad is Valentine's Day going to be this year?" quiz, and suggested anti-V-day movies to watch (Lara Croft movies, Thelma and Louise etc). There's even anti-love poetry, including Margaret Atwood's You Fit Into Me: You fit into me/like a hook into an eye/an open eye.

The antidote to Valentine's radio programming is The Wronged Songs, an online list of loveless listening, including Lauren Hill's I used to Love Him and Get on the Bus by Destiny's Child.

Despair, Inc bring BitterSweets, Valentine's candy for the rest of us: heart-shaped lollies with touching phrases such as "Pre-nup okay?", "U + Me=Grief" and "C that door?"

In a world that suggests nothing says "I love You" like a digital camera or fur-lined handcuffs, Valentine's Day Can Bite Me is a comfort: a to-the-point essay that rages against the evil, retail-driven nature of V-day: "I want someone to tell me if I'm loved of their own volition, not because some fabricated greeting card holiday sponsored by Hallmark compels them." Amen.

To be fair, Hallmark do have a great line in free e-cards. Hidden away among the fluffy festival of pink and cute cards in their V-day selection is one I'd actually send. Squished Teddy Bear is a flash animated card that totally takes the mickey out of the hearts-and flowers routine. However, the section of Valentine's cards designed for kids to send to each other is slightly disturbing.

Be My Anti-Valentine has great e-cards, one of which simply says "I love you blah blah blah hearts & flowers yadda yadda yadda cupid etc."

Slightly more disturbing is Hugkiss where you can send dead roses.

My favourite support group is Heartless Bitches International (we know that BITCH means Being In Total Control, Honey!). The site is gathering nominations for this year's sappiest Valentine's Day web site.

And if you are sad that your love doesn't give you gifts, take comfort in the knowledge that it could be worse. About.com lists some of the worst Valentine's gifts that people have received. Stolen mounted rat's head anybody? Pizza and a pair of comical socks? Oh dear.

Meanwhile, in India, it could be that Hindu nationalists are getting set to have another go at Valentine's day. Last year they raided shops in Bombay, burning cards and gifts which, they said, threatened Indian values. "Valentines day is against out culture," they said. "It is obscene and against our tradition."

Who'd have thought that Hindu nationalists and goths could have so much in common? Here's proof: a sad account of one young goth's cruel V-day experiences that confirm that the celebration is obscene and against everyone's tradition.

If all of the above isn't enough to convince you that Valentine's is a crock, and you're gearing up to send or receive flowers and cards anyway, check out this animated cautionary tale from Atom Films - be sure to click the cute, heart-shaped buttons on the right. With love.

* Email Shelley Howells