Shelley Howells: Buy Mum some time, online

COMMENT

Mother's Day is on Sunday. Sure, the female caregiver in your life may declare something like "Mother's Day is just blatant commercialism and I don't want a bar of it", but I strongly suggest, based on bitter experience, that you don't buy that one.

The literal translation is: "I don't want a vacuum cleaner, but I wouldn't say no to a bit of general adoration and genuine effort to acknowledge the sometimes thankless, often difficult, task of being a mum."

Amazingly, that was the idea of Mother's Day in the first place.

Many sites offer a quick history of Mother's Day, from 250BC to today's sponsored event.

One of the best is on our own NZ Girl because it points out that the US mother of Mother's Day, Anna Jarvis, was so disgusted by its eventual commercialisation that, just 10 years after she campaigned to have Mother's Day recognised, she filed a lawsuit to stop it.

"This is not what I intended," she is quoted as saying. "I wanted it to be a day of sentiment, not profit."

And so say most of us.

A while back, I talked to lots of mums of young kids for a Little Treasures parenting magazine article on the topic of what mums really want for Mother's Day.

Here's a tip: don't believe the junk mail - she doesn't want appliances. The verdict: mums want time, more than anything.

This can cost nothing but a bit of thought and effort, and can come in the form of childcare - someone else making the school lunches, a promise from the kids not to argue for a day, someone to notice that the garbage needs emptying, or the invention of a self-feeding cat.

Online, you can buy her time. Hire a Hubby (site may be experiencing difficulties, the franchise that'll take on everything from cleaning to gutters to building a playhouse, offer gift vouchers, a present that will likely result in tears of gratitude. A bunch of flowers simply can't compete with that.

But if you insist on blooms, the Interflora site warns you to get your order in before midday today to guarantee bouquet delivery in time for mum's day.

Remember, nothing says "I take you for granted" more than a late bunch of flowers (or a bunch from the gas station).

If money's an issue, a public declaration of love may go well. Calling itself Mothers Day Homepage, the NZ City site includes a message board, where folk can leave messages for their mothers.

A personal favourite: "Shes helpful and teaches me important life lessons without being to cruel shes not totaly imbaressing and has a resnoble dress seance oova all i lurve ma mumma shes a right hunny and deserves to b lurved."

Okay, so maybe that mum could have spent a bit more time on the spelling homework, but there's not a mother I know who doesn't dream of being described as "not totally embarrassing" by their kids.

The site also has a long list of classic "mumisms" such as "I don't care who started it, I said stop it now!" and the ever-popular "You don't have to like it ... you just have to eat it."

A great do-it-yourself present for mum from the kids would be a T-shirt, with one of those lines written on it in fabric pen (a Sharpie marker will do, at a pinch) and the words "Look at me when I'm talking to you." Useful workwear, too.

A home-made card from the kids is always a winner, as long as it's organised in advance. Nothing says "Dang, we forgot until this morning" like asking mum where the art supplies are. A rueful, long-suffering smile is not the effect you're after.

Mums I've spoken to don't want toasters, knickers or car-seat covers for Mother's Day. We want worship and a quiet cup of coffee.

There are always exceptions, however, and the more twisted and cynical mums among us will appreciate a link to the seriously warped take on Mother's Day on the parody fundamentalist Christian site Landover Baptist Church.

Their article begins with "Even for a Jewish mother, Mary was clearly a pest. Scripture reveals to us that she was an insufferable leech when it came to her precious Son", and gets more offensive from there. Happy Mother's Day.