If the Webby Awards are the Oscars of the internet, I'm due a sparkly frock, borrowed diamonds and a sashay along a red carpet at the San Francisco awards ceremony.
By a spooky series of coincidences and mistaken identity, last year I became a member of the International Academy of Digital
Arts & Sciences (along with close friends such as Frances Ford Coppola, David Bowie and Julia Child) and one of five nominating judges in the "Print and Zines" category.
Long weeks went by as we split hairs, argued and debated (online, in the virtual Judging Chamber's discussion board) the merits of many nominees to agree on the short-list for final judging by the whole academy.
It was a major time-eating stressful process, with late-night fretting and mild anxiety attacks worrying at how to fairly pit the merits of the likes of National Geographic National Geographic against a site for US restaurant industry professionals On the Rail and "an unassuming e-zine about balancing work and life" Jugglezine. I'd finally decide, then wake to an inbox full of convincing arguments ripping my conclusions to shreds.
If I could cope with indecision and debate I'd get a job rather than live a hermit-like column-scrawling, Oprah-viewing life.
So this year - citing several of my most active personality disorders - I declined the invitation to be a nominating judge. I'll still enjoy judging in the finals but, once again, I'll miss out on the frock and red carpet. Not because of fiscal anaemia this time around. Instead, mass global anxiety has put a major downer on the seventh Webbys.
Citing "concerns about travelling heightened by global events" the Academy has announced that it is ditching the in-the-flesh San Francisco ceremony in favour of an online event.
"With our nominees now reflecting a truly global web, we're facing new considerations, especially in light of everything that's going on in the world," said executive director Maya Draisin.
"Presenting the awards in San Francisco without all of the nominees present is not true to the spirit of the Webbys, so we decided to bring the Webby Awards to them instead," she said.
It makes sense. The awards have Gone Global over the years. This time around they say that 90 per cent of nominees live outside San Francisco, 24 international nominees are based outside the US (including Japan, New Zealand, Italy, France, The Netherlands, Canada, and Germany).
The move reflects the changing face of the business it honours, from the heady dot-com boom days of all-out extravaganza-like ceremonies to the small and more sober event last year. Bringing it online completes the cycle and people can attend in their pyjamas.
The Academy is still working on the details, but promises to keep up the inspired tradition of the five-word acceptance speech (the best of which deserve awards themselves: "this is my kind of speech", "Thanks. Now please go away" and "Antidisestablishmentarianism. Pseudopsychoanalysis. Polyvinylmasathrealasin. Onomotoplayer. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" are personal favourites. You'll find the rest on the Webbys site).
In the meantime, look at this year's nominated sites and vote in the people's voice awards. With five nominees in 30 categories, and the Following Interesting Links Effect, this could take quite some time.
Wellington-based luscious international fashion site Lucire is worth a look.
So is a wondrous real-estate site specialising in missile bases and, for those stuck for words, there's the visual thesaurus which allows users to type in a word and experience an instant system crash. Maybe it's just me.
One thing my Webby experience has revealed is that online voting rocks. Roll on net general elections. No more dragging yourself to a cardboard box at a primary school. Stay at home and vote. If you're confused between Act and the United Christian Cannabis Party, simply click on a link for a clarifying look at the manifestos. Brilliant.
I'm seriously considering implementing a similar scheme at home.
Think of the peace to be had in avoiding those pesky daily discussions: soccer or gymnastics for the seven-year old? Sex or The Sopranos? Christmas with the in-laws or a week in Fiji? - a couple of clicks and you've said your piece. In peace.
* Email Shelley Howells
Webby Awards
If the Webby Awards are the Oscars of the internet, I'm due a sparkly frock, borrowed diamonds and a sashay along a red carpet at the San Francisco awards ceremony.
By a spooky series of coincidences and mistaken identity, last year I became a member of the International Academy of Digital
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