Peter Sinclair: web monsters

You know a monster has become almost respectable when someone writes a macarena about him.

The chupacabra, or goatsucker, has made the charts. Gather round the piano, children, and join in the rousing chorus: He sucks you like the Devil/He loves liver, blood/And little kids.

No wonder Puerto Rican parents find him a more effective deterrent than the Bogey Man. Google tracks more than 5000 pages devoted to his activities.

The chupacabra is a fanged, red-eyed nightmare which hops like a kangaroo and emits a sulphurous stench. Its nickname dates back to 1995 when goats were found drained of blood, with puncture marks on their necks.

Since then, according to a recent Herald report, it has been blamed for the deaths of more than 2000 creatures, from birds to bulls. It's perhaps worth noting that the chupacabra is often seen with UFOs nearby.

Special correspondent S. Braunias emailed to draw my attention to the beast. I'm not sure why — perhaps he fears one of them may have moved into the ominous, dark mangroves of Cox's Creek, Auckland, that he has famously made his own.

Do you blame him? Anything might lurk in those untrammelled thickets. In the pages of the Listener, Braunias has reported sightings of a so-called heron. Is he quite sure? Many eyewitness accounts of the Jersey Devil, which in the 19th century terrorised whole towns and caused factories and schools to close, describe it as resembling a heron with umbrella-like wings.

In 1939 it was designated New Jersey's Official State Demon, and today even stars on Play-Station.

Legendary shamblers like Bigfoot and its Canadian relative the Sasquatch are often sighted in various parts of the world. Might one have taken up residence in the Braunias mangroves? Fortunately for him, their cousin, the evil-smelling Yeti, seems to prefer a rather more bracing environment.

Paradoxically, many monsters are shy by nature, so I wonder if our special correspondent has noted the success of the webcam trained on Loch Ness from Urquhart Castle?

Besides providing a convenient oubliette for the usual wrecked bicycles and rusted bedsprings that will never squeak again, for a small investment his mangroves could be turned into a nice little earner on the web.

MangroveCam would attract surfers from all over the world eager to earn cash prizes for spotting whatever is lurking down there. And as a journalist, he will have noted that Nessie even has its own newspaper — the Loch Ness Inquirer. In monster-biz, the synergies are endless.

There's one other possibility he shouldn't overlook. The most celebrated monster of all, whose unpredictable appearances are widely reported all over the world, originated in the swamps of the American south and would probably feel perfectly at home in Coxs Creek.

For on still Grey Lynn nights, when the moon is over the mangroves and nature holds its breath, it's said that sharp ears may sometimes catch the whimper of a spectral hound-dog, the fading twang of a guitar...

Links

Chupacabra

Chupacabra Song

Google

Herald Online: Mexican shepherds live in fear

Citizens against UFO secrecy

Jersey Devil

Jersey Devil on PlayStation

Bigfoot

Sasquatch

Yeti - Abominable Snowman

Loch Ness webcam

Loch Ness Inquirer

Elvis sightings

Peter Sinclair